Should I Meet My Father's Girlfriend- Who He Cheated On My Mom With Before The Divorce?

I'm 28 years old,and for the past 5-6 years my parents have been going through a divorce. It was final about six months ago.

My Dad cheated on my Mom- at first with a girl (I'll call her Anna) who has a terrible reputation in our community. Anna and him didn't last, surprise, surprise- and it really seemed like a classic mid-life crisis.

Well, unbeknown to everyone else, when he was ending it with Anna, he was starting up another relationship with another woman (I'll call her Shelby).

During my own wedding everyone was under the impression that my parents were really trying to work it out- they had been together for almost 30 years at that point, but he was actually seeing Shelby.

Shelby and him have been together now for three years, on and off long enough to get the divorce done. I am sickened when I see photos of Shelby and my Dad's side of the family on facebook, and it makes me feel terrible for my Mom. I've basically cut ties with his side of the family, and although I miss them, it's too hard to go my grandparents house, and see that all the pictures of my Mom and Dad have been taken down. It's just too hard.

Anyway, I'm struggling now with the fact that Shelby might be in his life for quite some time, and although I've managed to get somewhat of a decent relationship back with my Dad, I'm wondering, should I be open to meeting Shelby? I have a younger sister (10 years younger) who met her recently, and says she's really nice. I, however, feel that it's a betrayal to my Mom. My Mom is still healing from this divorce, the loss of a thirty year marriage, and basically just starting life over again. I'm worried that if I meet her now, especially since I have said that I want nothing to do with her, that it will make my Mom feel like she is truly alone. Beyond that, I'm afraid it's going to kill me to see my Dad with this other woman.

What should I do? Thanks for your advice in advance.
agaliam agaliam
26-30
2 Responses Jul 23, 2010

wow my story is very similar. im 16 and my parents decided to get a divorce when i was 12. i was totally shocked, especially when i found out it was because my dad had cheated on my mom. i was crushed...and every couple months i would learn new facts like he starting seeing her when my mom was pregnant with my eldest sister (who was 19 at the time of the divorce) and that my uncle had known about it. and that she had worked with my dad and made bets with the other waitresses that she could get him..even though she knew he was married. my dad is a great father but 4 years later, i still cant look at him the same way. he has been pressuring me to meet his gf..the woman who ruined so much for me and my family..so now i am meeting hertomorrow..thanksgiving. wish me luck :(. i honestly and so scared

My story is quite similar the difference is that my mom passed away from cancer. My dad is dating his ex-lover with he made my mom suffer. They didn't went fir the divorce route because my mom was to proud to loose all fir what she fought 35 years of marriage. Sadly her illness had decided another outcome.<br />
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My dad days he is happy and that the loneliness was killing him. He was alone for less than a year! ?<br />
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I feel so bad for my mom and I don't see my dad regretful at all.<br />
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I pray for God help to help me heal and forgive my dad. It's just so unfair