Not Connected With Father

My parents have been divorced for as long as i can remeber. Everytime someone would say "oh that must be rough" i would say "oh it would have been worst if they stayed together." That is a true statement. My parents hate each other; they never agree on anything. My mom believes that one should never drink. My dad believes one drink won't hurt; but since he is scottish one drink quickly turns to many. I mean that can't even agree on which form of Christianity to believe in (sorry if this offends anyone). But yet i always thought i had a better life than most kids from divorced parents. Now though I'm starting to see my life is not something i should be proud of. I have no connection with my dad. When i was little i would see him once for two weeks every summer. I wasn't a very normal child i guess you can say; i think i was too hyper for his taste. Looking back i can tell i bugged him...alot! But i didn't realize that when i was little becasue he would still do normal things like send me Christmas and Birthday gifts. But then one year it stopped. All i got was money and gifts from my nana who lived about literally 5 minutes away. I went through a phase of my dad doesn't love me. I placed alot of self guilt on myself. Five years of self guilt, five years of no preset, abd five years of wondering did my dad ever love me. Of course during this my mom just supported me with whatever i thought and i just got pushed deeper into this mindset ( i don't think my mom knew i was thinking like this). Then my nana died. I was devestated but i was happy. Before you say anything iwas happy because that was the day i talked to my dad; after five years. I was crying and all but to hear his voice at the end of the phone to say i love you made me so happy. After the funeral my dad and i kept in touch, and this of course brought on drama with my mom but it was nothing i couldn't handle. My dad though said the reason he stopped talking to me was because of the drama with my mom. I personally thought and still think that that is a lame excuse. I think the only reason he likes me now is because im grown up, and not a little kid anymore. He even commented on my maturity. So my relationship is good with him even though it is a tad akward, but good none the less. You see though our relationship was being built on through the phone since he lives like ten hours away. As everyone knows long distant "relationships" never work out. But things were good up till now. U see my dad wanted to see me over the summer like old times. Fine by me and my mom; so we made plans. The first plans didn't work because it conflicted with my dads work. So we made second plans; but i forgot to tell him. So he called probably already mad/annoyed about me not returning his calls and then this change in plans just add to it. We both hung up angrily. I just don't know what to do. I mean i feel like everytime he gets mad it will be the last i hear from him and he even said that i couldn't come down this year because of the on and off with the plans. Im confused he wanted the change in plans. I think i also made a mistkae by calling him back three times and leaving three messages (one that was rather accusing and two others that were just a lame me saying sorry). I don't know if people will read this but i need help. Can someone please give advice to me on how to handle dads because i may get A's and B's in school but when it comes to my dad i fail!
hpcrazed001 hpcrazed001
18-21
Jul 28, 2010