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Money

My father told me he'd fallen for another women when I was 15. I was emotionally numb at the time due to increasing amounts of TV watching, so I didn't much care. My addiction for TV and ignoring real life has only gone worse since.
My parents divorcing didn't really bother me. What bothered me was what it meant for me and my life. But that's a subject for another post.

Now I want to talk about money. My mother decided she wanted us after the divorce. Of course, she loved us, but she mostly based this decision on the fact that she couldn't afford to pay my father alimony. So, we stayed with mom and dad moved away. 
I'm 21 now, soon 22, I live on my own and to this day my mother is of the opinion that my dad should give me money. The irony of the situation (her not being able to pay alimony to my dad) was that she ended up using a lot more money on us than she would have on alimony. That's not fair, of course. Especially since my father has a stable job that pays well whereas my mother took care of us for 10 years so while she did have an education, it's useless in today's economy, so she doesn't have a good job and instead does temp jobs and uses the money on us, while my dad didn't.

My mother has always been in a worse situation than my dad. She didn't have a driver's licence, so she had to rely on my dad to take us around, but my father didn't appreciate being used as a chauffer like all my friends' dads were, so he was very strict about driving us. Once I walked home from downtown because my father and I had a misunderstanding. That taught me that you shouldn't rely on others to support you.

My father also didn't like being used as a wallet. My mother took care of us, so that was technically her job, but it did leave them on a very unbalanced situation. It continues even today. As much as I hate admitting it, my mother is the loser and our dad the victor. It's nothing new: it was the case from the start. My father also cheated on her from the start, but again, a subject for another post. There's a line in our family. Men and women. The women are liked, but not respected. The men are tolerated because they have money. My brother doesn't respect us and he's always late, but because he might be useful someday, nobody says it to his face. When my father gives me money, I feel bad, because we really don't even spend much time together. Money is like a thank you note for spending a few hours together. I hate it. "If you give me money, I'll be nice to you."  The women downtown who're waiting for a "ride" know exactly what this means. I wish I wasn't so poor and I could build a real relationship with my father. I wish my mother wouldn't pester me to ask him for money (for the record, I never do. If he gives me money, it's because he wants to). I wish I could communicate to my brother how much his disrespect bugs me, without sounding like a brat.

This summer, I will try to get my driver's licence. I happen to have acquired the required sum of money, and if I succeed in getting a licence, I can maybe get a job and get money and fulfill all the dreams I mentioned above. Hopefully. Either way, it feels good to be able to pay for the licence myself. My father paid for my brother's and my sister's licences. I'll do it on my own.
hutre hutre 22-25 Jun 6, 2011

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