I May Be Responsible For My Parent's Divorce

My name is Adrian, i'm 18, I come from Slovakia, and I decided to share my story with you, because I really don't know what is right to do at the place I'm in.

My parents have been married for 20 years. During that time they've been through a lot of big fights. Mostly it was because my mum wanted my dad to gave her all the money he earned, but dad knew that she would spend the money only on herself. 

The problem is, that recently my dad wanted to improve that relationship, while my mum started dating our neighbor. My dad started drinking and smoking, and mum said that if he won't stop, she will divorce with him. My dad was really desperate, and when I found out, I told my dad that there is no way to save the relationship, so I told him to divorce with her, and so he did. I think that, that was the best thing to do, but sometimes I have a feeling that I could have saved their relationship, somehow.

I have another problem now. Recently my 8 year old brother, Christian, told me, that our grandma (my mum's mother) told him to sped more time with mother, than with father, which I consider to be very selfish and cruel, because I think that the only one, who should decide, who he will be with is him. Today I called him, and he didn't want to tell me, where he is, he was like "I don' know... I am getting in the car right now...." and when they came home, I found out, that my MOTHER didn't want him to tell me. I think that my grandma and my mum are brainwashing and blackmailing my little brother and sister by forbidding them playing computer games if they do something they don't like. I don't know what to do to get my sibling out of this huge fight between my parents, but I don't know how.

AdrianHu AdrianHu
2 Responses Oct 11, 2011

There is no way this can be your fault! The parent's relationship problems are not the children's problems! That is their responsibility. If the parents try to bring the children into the fight it is so important for the children to have someone neutral to talk to. Is there anyone for you and your younger brother and sister to talk to who isn't taking sides? <br />
I went through a nasty divorce and I told my son over and over to remember "NMP" which stands for Not My Problem! If his father or I ever started to bring our problems to him he just needed to remember NMP. His responsibility was to be a kid and do the best at learning to take care of himself and learn to have healthy relationships. There is a lot of information on the internet about how to have healthy relationships and how to learn to be an assertive healthy individual. Our parents and grandparents didn't have this resource.

Please tell me what to do, I am very depressed because of those things