I Want My Parents To Find Happiness.My parents had a dysfunctional relationship for years. My mother applied for divorce and my father moved out in 1997, around the same time I started my first year in primary school. My dad has never understood the reasons for the divorce, I'm not so sure he ever will. My mother explained to me her reasons years later, saying "It wasn't the lack of trying. I tried for you and your sister's sake, but your father was mentally abusing me to the point where I felt completely and utterly crushed. He made me feel worthless, inadequate and a bad mother. According to him I was wrong in every single thing. I had no confidence in myself, because he belittled me and insulted me every chance he could. Why didn't I get a divorce sooner? Well, you girls were just so young and to be honest, I had no strength to go through the process (of divorce) before. Then when I realized I couldn't live on like that, that the awful fights that had become a daily occurrence would damage you more than two homes ever could…I was left with little choice"
The next years were more or less miserable for both of my parents. My father was lonely, moved to different cities or changed apartments every six months. He worked rigorously to save enough money in order to accomplish his dreams of leaving the country, which he did several times. My mother on the other hand was busy creating a safe, stable environment for me and my sister (ref.to as R), stressing over her full time job and dealing with my father's unpredictable behaviour. She was exhausted, but never threw in the towel when it came to her children.
In 2000, my mother took a huge hit when she learned my father had kidnapped me and R. She had her suspicions, but decided to let us go on our summer holiday anyway. For 9 months my mother worked from Monday to Friday. She broke down on Friday and cried through Saturday. On Sunday she was completely numb. She took sick leave from work for the last 3 months before she left to bring us back. I remember asking her "Why didn't you come to us sooner?" To which she replied: "God knows I tried! I did all I could and so did the lawyers. Every time it seemed we were making progress in getting you back home something unexpected happened and set us back. It was as if I wasn't meant to pick you up until a year had gone by…"
The year for my father, I suspect, had not been what he had expected. Maybe it was at first, but as he realised he was responsible for the education and well being of two children, he was lost. It was easy to live out the fantasy, but in the face of reality he was helpless. He got fooled by people, as he handed over his trust easily. He couldn't control his temper and sent a man into the hospital. He led his daughters into a world of isolation. He handed out responsibilities and emotional baggage he did not wish to carry alone. He must have been tired. He probably made up a new dream by the end of the year.
My mother hasn't gotten herself involved in a new relationship since the divorce, saying she didn't want to introduce a new man into our lives and preferred stability. After all she'd been through, she wasn't ready. Now, and as we girls are all grown up, I hope she can allow herself to love a man again. She is an amazing woman. She of all people deserves happiness after all the pain.
My father has regrets. Regrets he does not admit to us directly, but I can tell this when he starts talking about his death and being alone at the end. He has problems with his health, but I think the worst thing for him is the loneliness. I believe it's karma. I believe you have to suffer the consequences of your actions, may it be in this life or the next. I have forgiven him after years of anger and hate towards him. I've come to accept who he is and that there are things he will never understand, but I hope nonetheless that he finds peace in his life. I hope he'll be happy and content, despite everything.
LilyLua 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 Oct 14, 2011