My Life Collapsed....

when my parents first got a divorce my dad already had a girlfreind....he told me that he never really loved my mother.... my papa was a very spirital man he believed wat ever you do wrong go to the pastor or preast or pope or somebody in the church.... well my father got my mom knocked-up befor marrage so my father went to the church and asked what to do... the guy said get married right away so my father did....... all he used my mother for was to cook clean and sex....... he didnt even love her.... he called her fat and worthless then when my first sister came along he made fun of her about how fat she was and about how nobody would love her. she grew up to get marrried and have a life. then came along my next sister he makes fun of her still she is now obeese and emo... i came next he stopped piking on my sisters and came after me. he started dipping then he started drinking. he hit my for the first time when i was 10. it was in the summer befor i went into sixth grade and my parents were just divorcing.... he and i had been fighting for about three weeks and then he finnally snaped he said i hated him over and over again then said it was my fault that he and my mother got divorced. he pushes me so hard i almost fell out of my chair.... then he smaked me.... by now i was in tears so he told me to shut up if i didnt he would backhand me so hard that i would fall out of my chair..... he told me if i ever made my mother unhappy that he would kill me.......about a year later we moved out of that house and into an appartment complex were him and his girlfreind work. every week that i was with him he and his girlfreind used to laugh and make jokes about how fat i was and how i would never have a life that theyh didnt even love me..... in front of my father his girlfreind would be nice to me and give me things then when he would leave she would laugh in my face n say i was worthless..... now at christmas my family used to all come together at my house and have a goodtime.... now my grandmother has passed my other grandma has gone insane my nana has gone blind and my whole family has crumbled to bits and pieces....... i just want to be happy like i was befor i knew the truth befor i came into reality i dont want to fake a smile anymore... i just want to be human. how can i be human? how can i be happy again for another time in my life?!