Trouble Getting Through

My parents divorced when I was three, so I don't remember them being together at all. However, I do know that it was a very unhappy marriage. After the split, I lived with my mom and visited my dad once a week and every other weekend. My dad started to tell me things that made me not want to be with my mom. My mom hinted around things that made me not want to be with my dad. They both thought that I didn't realize what they were doing. When I was eight, my dad had me convinced that I should live with him, not my mom. He took me to court and I talked to the judge and it turned into a huge custody battle that changed my life forever. My dad won, and I didn't see my mom for almost a year. I was told things that weren't true, and I ended up terrified of her by the end of that year. I was taken to a countless number of counselors, but none of them helped. I was scared of them too because I was told that they were all out to get me. I was also told that they were going to try to make me see my mom again. I had short, supervised visits with her sometimes and I was never allowed to say that I enjoyed them. Eventually, the court wanted to get a visitation schedule worked out. I realized that all of the things that I was told about my mom were lies. That means a year was taken away from us that I will never get back. The schedule that was agreed on is that every other day during the week I would be switching houses and I would be with each parent every other weekend. I have to live out of a bag, and I haven't used a dresser in about five years. I don't know why that is such a big deal to me, but I think about it all the time. I am constantly moving around, and I don't just have one place I can call home. I have been doing this schedule for many years now, and it is jut now starting to really interfere with my life. Whenever I make plans with friends I have to think about where I will be that day, what time I will have to switch houses, and if I will feel guilty for missing out on time that I have with the parent I'm supposed I be with that day. I feel really sad a lot of the time. Now my parents refuse to talk to each other at all and I am put in the middle of everything. I hear all of the details about why their marriage didn't work out, but they tell me completely different things just to make the other one look bad. I have no idea what to believe. One of my parents is understanding of my situation because I just starting telling my feelings about it, but I couldn't ever tell the other one how I feel. The other one hates when I talk about the good things that happens at my other house and says that I hate being with them and that I like the other one better. that one hasnt talked to me in two days because they're mad at me for going out to dinner with the other one while it was their time.
Project95 Project95
May 26, 2012