Please Help, Losing Hope...i Need Somebody To Talk To About My Parents Split

Hello reader,

I'm 16 and from Chicago suburbs. Last November of 2011 my father announced he and my mom are splitting up and getting a divorce. I foresaw this years ago when I was in 8th grade, but ever since then it just sat in the back of my mind and would only manifest whenever they argued. Arguments escalated; verbally not physically, dad came home from work later, mom stuck to doing the laundry and complaining. Everyone in the house was sucked into an unhappy routine, my sister and twin brother also just seem to get used to the fights and the awkward living conditions. It was like we were all waiting for one of them to make a serious move, and one day it happened. My dad wanted to leave and 2 weeks later November 19th, 2011 he did. I remember it clear as day, his bags all packed at the front. I was fine I guess for the time being that he was still at home, but I was unprepared for the loneliness to come. Anyway moving on almost a year into the future, here I am about to enter my Junior year in high school the emotions have become intolerable. For example, I am a multi-sport athlete with a tight group of friends, it is me and 7 other guys I've known since 1st grade. So, I have the grades, friends, and athletics, and yet I still manage to feel empty even know I have a good setup in life. Despite all that I have my parents and situation at home have reached a breaking point. I could go on and on about my feelings but I will break it down quickly. Here is why I cannot confront either parent about how I feel or the situation (that is why I NEED your help) Mom: she cleans all day, smokes, unhealthy diet, works all week, she has gotten so used to her lifestyle pattern she cannot change. She is used to her inefficient laundry methods, her over reacting to situations, her lack of discipline to us the kids; basically she cannot change because she stuck in this uniform life she lived when my dad was here, she does not want to leave that lifestyle because she still thinks there is a chance everything will go back to the way it was, or this is her way of trying to stay in those days when he was here. She is like a robot and anything I mention about my dad to her she turns bitter, she despises him and questions why I still go to his house, or she cries....cries and turns the conversation to the "oh you're hurt, Ryan he left me as his wife...how do you think I feel!?!" so then there is no coming back. Dad: I cannot talk to my dad about mom because there is simply no point and nothing I could say to him because HE is the one who decided to leave my mom for multiple reasons. Some may include she letting her body go, not wanting to go out and have fun...basically my dad wanted to get out there and enjoy life, while I think my mom only enjoyed laundry...you could not pry her away from the machine. Since there is no use in trying to get my dad back with mom (like I said before...would not even try because he left) the only other choice is to tell him how I feel right? Well...not really. Just like my mom turning it around on her my dad does the same thing, in a different way. We have talked one on one about this once before. Never again had I brought it up because I have never as a young man cried that hard and reached that deep of emotion hearing what my dad had to say about why he left. I have a slight favor for my dad but still I agreed with what he was saying about how they live different lives but at the same time he was gone and that was what pains me. So whenever I say dad I can't take it and pour my heart soul and thoughts to him it ended up as Ryan you have to get through it, or as that conversation later got to him explaining his suicide thoughts and how his life insurance would set our family for life and we would have nothing to worry about. If that did not make sense he basically explained to me how he became so unhappy with life that he had a suicide plan and it was his way of "1-upping" my story of how I cannot deal with the pain. So never again have I spoke to either about the whole thing I just go about my daily life. The last week or so has become so unbearable (me thinking about the divorce too often and my soccer coach heard I wanted to quit and he had a 1 on 1 talk with me about it, I need someone to talk to. My coach is a very nice man and he is the father of another kid in my grade who I'm not good friends with but we play XBOX together occasionally and he explained to me not to quit because I am a starting player and the program values me and I agreed not to quit and he said if I need to talk about the situation at home or if it makes me think about quitting or doing bad things that he is there to talk. I can't tho, my coach is one of my heroes but I can't stand to cry in front of him and there is something about that that diminishes my pride as a young man.) I am calling out to anyone reading this, divorce victim, depression victim, or any kind of person willing to talk to me, help me cope, or provide any sort of advice or companionship please respond to this post

Losing hope fast
-Ryan