Possibly The Better Parent???

My Dad was the cause of my parents divorce. A crazed, narcissistic, bipolar, drugged up alcoholic. So, of course, my mom decided to make an escape, dragging me with her. In the end, she won custody of me, while my dad was failing to even pass UAs. But, he got over his now well known problems. Meanwhile, her hidden ones got worse. She is extremely bipolar, one moment being really normal but then it is triggered by something as simple as her stubbing her toe on a door that she acts like she is possessed, like there is an enraged demon inside of her. Shes just weird, if I state the facts like "I heard that those curling irons only go up to 125 degrees" or something she does a loud "HM!" and starts getting all defensive for no reason. One time she noticed my most well hidden secret, she noticed my cuts on my wrist. She didn't say anything, thank goodness, but one time she walked into my room when I was cutting and started cussing, calling me selfish, though she knows that I've been trying to get over depression. So, recently, I needed shoes for a band concert. I'm first chair flute, so its very important that I am properly dressed. I told my mom at the beginning of the year that I would need black shoes, a white blouse and slacks or a pencil skirt. But, she didn't even bring me shopping for new clothes for school, though I was at a new place, instead buying expensive vodka with the money we had. I managed to get my dad to buy me a white and black dress that was alright with my instructor. He could hardly pay for this because of expensive surgery he needed to get done soon, all the other clothes he had bought me a while before, the bills for my laptop (which my mom uses), and the loss of work hours meeting with his lawyer and going to AA meetings, in hope of my custody. I felt terrible, spending my summer playing pity party with everyone possible, under moms instruction. I never got my black shoes, time passed. I didn't bring it back up because I knew it would lead to a fight between my mom and I. When the concert came along, I wore a pair of medium brown flats instead. My teacher would not tolerate this, and I was moved from first chair and got my grade bumped down to a C+ instead of an A. She probably would have been understanding, but my dear mother lied and said I was just too lazy to wear my black shoes. I'm still in trouble and had to write an essay about my mistakes. I will not be allowed to attend the next performance, which will bump down my grade even more from loss of points. This goes on forever, and happens very often. I would have gotten the shoes, but haven't seen my dad in two months because of his past problems and his lack of money to go to court. I really don't know where I'm at anymore. Is it money, or care? Mom has a bit more money, but dad barely ever sees me.
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26-30
Dec 11, 2012