Never-Ending Cycle????

My parents were together for about 20-something years before they finally, really, totally, got into a divorce.  I was about 11 when they finally split.  Now I'm 23. 

I guess you can say I was quite numb to their divorce.  They fought like crazy while I grew up.  When I was younger, I'd cry my head off that daddy was going to leave.  Then later he'd come back and I was so happy again.  But it was a cycle that was never-ending.  I guess it was a good thing that they didn't actually divorce until I was older because I don't know how I would've handled it as a child.  I didn't understand.  All I knew was that they fought and didn't understand why daddy had to go away for a few days.

Who knows!

I know their divorce was for the best.  There's was no more chaos in the house.  My dad remarried and is totally happy.  My mom, well, she never seems to be happy.  She's remarried also.

Sometimes I wonder how it wouldve been if they could just stay together and be happy but then things don't always work that way.

NOw I find myself in the same situation.  I'm married to a man and we fight constantly.  It's a cycle that's never-ending.  I'm considering divorce also and we have a 6 year old daughter together.  If this happens, I just hope it's the right thing to do, as young as she is.  It breaks my heart but it also breaks my heart to have her live in this type of environment.

I used to watch as my parents crazily threatened to kill themselves with a knife, holding the knife against their bodies or banging their heads against the door.  Luckily I had older brothers and sisters.  I didn't have to deal with all of that.  I just stood in the back crying my head off or watching, wondering what the heck they were doing and why.

BUt it's over and now I'm here dealing with my own marriage! 

CaliGirl637 CaliGirl637
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 17, 2009

Just wanted to say good luck to you. My parents divorced when I was 19 and I am also now separating/divorcing and considering the effects on my child. There is some good information out there on how to buffer them from the storm. I'm reading a book called Divorce and New Beginnings and it has a lot of that info in it.