About 6 Years Ago.......

why don't you talk to your dad? his choice or yours?

oh, i forgot that part. i keep trying to contact him and he keeps dropping the ball. like i send him an email and he sends no response. then i send him another and another. its gets tiring. i am so tired now...i feel like i've given up at this point. i guess part of it is my fault too. i should be more aggressively trying to get in touch with him. but he makes zero effort, so its really hard to be the one who is doing all the work. i tried hard the first few years. but now i'm tired. or something. tired is not the right word. i don't have a word for how i feel.

I think that constantly reaching out to someone is very emotionally depleting, especially given the implicit rejection when the other person does not respond. It can also lead to a sense of being disempowered as well. You want him in your life to a degree, and yet there is nothing you can do to make it happen at this point in time.

Perhaps, sometimes, it is best to follow instinct - there may yet be opportunities for you to reestablish contact with him, and it would be good to have the emotional energy available?

Wow...after 35 years. I guess it can happen .. I worry about my own parents, because they gripe about each other so much. (behind thier backs, usually to ME.)
It's sad that you havent seen him since. Maybe someday? I can understand the anger you would have towards him. ((HUGS))

everything is pretty much the same. no progress. no closure. I guess I need to work on this...

Hey, I understand what it's like. Three years after my parents' divorce, my father decided that seeing us was too hard for him because it reminded him too much of everything. That was 7 years ago and I have never seen him again. It's hard because you feel so ignored and worthless to him.. I tried to contact him as well and he didn't respond. I never even get a birthdaycard or something.

Anyway.. I know the pain you are in. It keeps coming back and it will probably never go away.

I really hope that one day things will work out with you and your dad. Hugs.. xoxo

PS. I also posted a story about our dad leaving us, so if you're interested... ;)

thanks, I hope one day things will work out too. so sorry to hear your story is so sad as well. I wish both our dads would reach out to us instead of hiding away.

Just leave him alone. You tried. Make your own decisions as you go along, and you'll find you become your own person. Afterwards, if he ever comes to you, you'll be able to handle the stress because you'll be an independent person from him.

My problem was with my dad, and what, I perceived, he did not do. I reflect on what he also did, though, and now I am mostly a product of my own decisions. One of his friends said, 'Just shake it off' about my refusal to stay in contact. My dad's an old, old man now, so it's easier to talk to him. Also, for guys to shake off pain is natural, unless the pain is untolerable. Emotionally, women are more prone to talk it out before they feel better. Make your own decisions as you go along, you become more of yourself through your decisions, keep a journal (really important) to keep from making the same mistakes over again, and forgive. One thing I learned over the years is that your reaction (temper tantrums, face offs) are better handled with learned behavior, being positive, and tact. It saves so much with the wear and tear. You can be assertive without the knock down and drag out. And writing to him, without the confrontation, can also help until you forgive.... and forget. Now that I've had some experience under my belt, I don't blame him for some of the things he did, either. Except that he's still the same person, he's his own person, I'm my own person, and we can get along, just like co-workers... civil, and fun. The benefits are healing.

yeah, I keep a journal and it would be good to journal about this. well, thanks for your input. its interesting.