Vulnerable

I came to EP in dire straits searching for an outlet. My marriage was in shambles, my health was getting worse, I was still in deep mourning over the loss of my parents, and I had recently tried to kill myself. It was so easy for me to fall for a caring word. Desperate for human companionship I leached onto anyone I could and if a man was to give me any attention I was amazed and easily directed away from my marriage and step kids. I fell easily for attention. I needed it.


I had to leave EP for a while even. One because my husband was home more but mostly because I had to center myself on what really mattered to me. My marriage. I am married under the law of God and I have to give it my everything. I am glad I have because it seems like everything is working out. I have taken a lot from here and used it in my life.


The point to this is, I feel as though I have cheated in a way. I have fallen in love on EP but couldn't let it break my marriage. I do love my husband too. Can you love 2 people at a time? Can you love someone you have never seen or even talked too? I have let this go and I know he easily moved on. I don't want to become this vulnerable again. I can't say it won't happen though. I can't see the future. I feel  100% better about my marriage but I do still have insecurities. I feel stronger but still weak. I'm often confused and easily misled. I just hope I can read between the lines and keep my head held high. I pray my marriage keeps getting better. I love EP because I have learned so much but I have made so many mistakes too. If I dissapeer for good you'll know why.