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Vulnerable

I came to EP in dire straits searching for an outlet. My marriage was in shambles, my health was getting worse, I was still in deep mourning over the loss of my parents, and I had recently tried to kill myself. It was so easy for me to fall for a caring word. Desperate for human companionship I leached onto anyone I could and if a man was to give me any attention I was amazed and easily directed away from my marriage and step kids. I fell easily for attention. I needed it.


I had to leave EP for a while even. One because my husband was home more but mostly because I had to center myself on what really mattered to me. My marriage. I am married under the law of God and I have to give it my everything. I am glad I have because it seems like everything is working out. I have taken a lot from here and used it in my life.


The point to this is, I feel as though I have cheated in a way. I have fallen in love on EP but couldn't let it break my marriage. I do love my husband too. Can you love 2 people at a time? Can you love someone you have never seen or even talked too? I have let this go and I know he easily moved on. I don't want to become this vulnerable again. I can't say it won't happen though. I can't see the future. I feel  100% better about my marriage but I do still have insecurities. I feel stronger but still weak. I'm often confused and easily misled. I just hope I can read between the lines and keep my head held high. I pray my marriage keeps getting better. I love EP because I have learned so much but I have made so many mistakes too. If I dissapeer for good you'll know why. 

75Angels 75Angels 36-40, F 2 Responses Aug 27, 2010

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I wish my husband would realize the strain his alcohol abuse puts on our marriage, on me, on the family, and on my health. He rolls his eyes any time my health gets brought up on conversation. I love the sober man so vary deeply, but I don't know how much more of the alcoholic I can .

The love and affections we collect from EP should only strengthen our life and married life.A husband wife relation is like a love letter which should not have the confusion that, to whom it will be addressed.When we try to love two persons , the very spice of life LOVE get divided.Within us one part fighting other one eventually makes things out of control.There is no doubt your husband should get the first and best choice of yourself and consider everything as less important extension of him .. WISHING YOU A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE......... raveendran