One of My Worst Mistakes

I've made quite a few mistakes over the years, and I guess that's just a part of life. For the most part, I try not to regret them, but the mistakes I feel the worst about are the ones where I hurt someone. The worst mistake I've ever made hurt one of my closest friends, and it's only now, a year and a half later, that we're really trusting each other again and not fighting on and off.

To make a very long story short, half way through my first year of university I had started seeing a guy from my dorm and felt that we were moving way too fast. As a result, I was feeling somewhat unsure of myself and more than a little used. To cheer me up, my friend suggested that we should have a girl's night. And as we were talking about this, I realized that she was flirting with me. I called her on it, and she apologized.

I really should have left it at that. Unfortunately, and for reasons I'm still not sure of, I didn't. Our girl's night turned into movies and drinks in my room, followed by some awkward making out. I quickly found the situation far too strange, and pulled away. She left, feeling very hurt. As it turned out, she'd had a crush on me, and I never knew. What occurred meant so much more to her than it had to me. I felt horrible. My friend is bi, and had a very hard time coming out. Neither of us were very clear about our intentions beforehand; she was hoping it would lead to something more, while I was under the impression it was something of an experiment. Needless to say, there were quite a few hard feeling to sort through.

I suppose this story comes with an upside. We're now much closer friends than we ever were, and have come to understand each other a lot more. Still, I wish I'd never caused her the pain I did.

Aludra Aludra
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 1, 2008

Yes that is awkward, but the fact that you've come through this experience as stronger friends is something to be proud of.. Certainly.

don't beat yourself up over it you didn't know