Sometimes I Don't Know How I've Survived

I can think of a whole lot of things that I have done in my lifetime that I am not proud of doing. Some things, I am completely ashamed of; others, I just have to look back at and laugh about, because God only knows what I was thinking.

To this day, I still wonder why I did them. I came from a good family, who brought me up right; so I knew better.

I had a good education, which in some ways I think, made me more dangerous.

My only guess, is that all of it was the stupidity of youth. When you're young, you don't always take into account the consequences of your actions. You don't think about getting caught, or getting killed. You don't even care.

Then, there is also the pure exhilaration of being the "bad" guy. Face it. It's fun to do whatever you want. It feels good to be tough, strong, and cool. It's sheer joy to break all the rules.

I may have been doomed from the start, growing up in a tough inner-city neighborhood. Perhaps, it was my childhood friends that influenced me. I mean, you're bound to get into trouble when you hang out with guys that have names like Neutron, Vinnie, Blackey, Shadow, Hammer, and Roach.

I can remember getting into fights, buying drugs, selling drugs, using drugs, and serious drinking. I remember long nights in ***** clubs and parking lots.

I remember strange people in dangerous places. I remember waking up in places I didn't recognize and having sex with women I didn't know.

I remember stealing. Not just little things but really big things that people should have missed.

I remember hiding from the cops, running from the cops and being arrested more than once.

I remember getting shot at.

How I managed to survive it all without ever getting hurt, having a record, or catching a disease is beyond me. I have been very, very, lucky. I was a fool.

A lot of my old friends are dead now. Some are doing time. A few are still up to their old tricks. I got out.

God must have had bigger plans for me because he helped me get through it all and now, I am wiser for it. I turned out to be a clean, respectable, part of society. Now, I work to help others in need.

He is good!


Shinigami69 Shinigami69
36-40, M
13 Responses Jul 10, 2009

you are a very lucky person because some people don't get out of these things alive

We all have. I use to beat myself up for it too. Why do we do the things we do? That's what I asked myself. I know why what happen in my life. What helped me is God for one and I decided to except me, like me and not look to others for approval or acceptance. Find out who I am and what my valve is. And that my pass isn't going to control me anymore. The pass is gone the future isn't here all we have is now. Now is a moment that will last forever.

You said you had a good education, but education is not preparation for life; education is life itself, and it sounds like youve had a lot of it lol

It goes to show that there is hope for anyone. To know me now, you would never suspect that I was that out of control as a young man. The thing is, those experiences have allowed me to do a lot of things that other people can't. They've hardened me in some ways. Now I am able to do something positive for others. I started out working in a major trauma center & then moved up from there. Street people can identify one of there own, it gives then some comfort.

Wow, I didn't know you used to be so bad. That explains the insight you have into people. I'm glad that you got out of that life. Your a very lucky man that's for sure. :)

Hear you. Been there, done that. I got out when I turned eighteen. Never went back. That was a one way trip.

Thank you everyone! Your words are all very kind.

If you think about it, you are actually a fabulous success story. Because you have lived that wild life and survived it, you have an insight into those people who are still stuck in that dangerous lifestyle. And the fact that you are now building radiology plants everywhere is awesome. You seem like a genuine person, and hopefully you can help others who are stuck in a rut make it out alive and relatively unscathed.

I really enjoyed reading your story : ) <br />
<br />
You're a great example of someone who has turned their life around for the better and has gone onto greater things. <br />
<br />
Hopefully others who are in bad places right now will read this and be inspired to turn their lives around as you did.

You've come a long way, my friend! What a story. I'm glad you got out of it and are now making something out of your life.

I have an advanced degree in radiology.<br />
<br />
I've spent the last few years building treatment plans for patients with cancer.

There is definitely a feeling of relief, especially when I hear stories about my old pals and where they are now.<br />
<br />
I feel a lot better about myself as well. It feels good to be doing something positive with my life.

Good on you, you should feel extremely relieved to have made it out unscathed. Most people don't.