Sometimes I Don't Know How I've Survived
I can think of a whole lot of things that I have done in my lifetime that I am not proud of doing. Some things, I am completely ashamed of; others, I just have to look back at and laugh about, because God only knows what I was thinking.
To this day, I still wonder why I did them. I came from a good family, who brought me up right; so I knew better.
I had a good education, which in some ways I think, made me more dangerous.
My only guess, is that all of it was the stupidity of youth. When you're young, you don't always take into account the consequences of your actions. You don't think about getting caught, or getting killed. You don't even care.
Then, there is also the pure exhilaration of being the "bad" guy. Face it. It's fun to do whatever you want. It feels good to be tough, strong, and cool. It's sheer joy to break all the rules.
I may have been doomed from the start, growing up in a tough inner-city neighborhood. Perhaps, it was my childhood friends that influenced me. I mean, you're bound to get into trouble when you hang out with guys that have names like Neutron, Vinnie, Blackey, Shadow, Hammer, and Roach.
I can remember getting into fights, buying drugs, selling drugs, using drugs, and serious drinking. I remember long nights in ***** clubs and parking lots.
I remember strange people in dangerous places. I remember waking up in places I didn't recognize and having sex with women I didn't know.
I remember stealing. Not just little things but really big things that people should have missed.
I remember hiding from the cops, running from the cops and being arrested more than once.
I remember getting shot at.
How I managed to survive it all without ever getting hurt, having a record, or catching a disease is beyond me. I have been very, very, lucky. I was a fool.
A lot of my old friends are dead now. Some are doing time. A few are still up to their old tricks. I got out.
God must have had bigger plans for me because he helped me get through it all and now, I am wiser for it. I turned out to be a clean, respectable, part of society. Now, I work to help others in need.
He is good!