The Tragedy Of Drugs And Love

i started smoking weed and drinking at 12 and cocaine and e at 15 along with different antidepressants and meth at 16 and now cant think about anything but all of that and no one in my life respects me anymore. i got cross addicted to sex and everyone thinks im a *****, im notorious around my school for all of that and i met a guy exactly like me and gave him my everything not realizing he just wanted a sex buddy or perhaps realizing it but wanting that not to be true for once in my life. for once in my life someone may really truly care about me and not just be out for selfish desires. now i feel i have been thrown to the floor and drugs are the only thing keeping me sane however they are simultaneously driving me insane. i am constantly internally battling between keeping up with my 4.7 and going somewhere or just saying **** it life is a joke full of lies, propaganda, and selfish people in which i will die in the end anyways (and probably soon) ill just keep doing drugs and die young. every time i have had sex recently ive felt more and more used and empty inside and every time i escape the cold reality with drugs and alcohol i feel more alone. i am burnt and i am trash and i cant help myself and i cant bring myself to ask for help and any complaining i make to the few people who at least listen i feel is annoying so i attempt to bottle it up and when i cant nothing but nasty rumors get spread and things just get worse, and worse, and worse. i cant go a day without getting away from it by artificial means. hell, ill be lucky to go an hour. and if i do, i sure as hell do not forget about the desire to.

meuky meuky
18-21, F
Mar 13, 2010