I Don't Feel Like Calling Anyone Back

I don't feel like calling anyone back. I want to stay asleep forever. I am sick of putting effort into stuff and not reaping the fruit of my hard work. I am going to let my dysthymia win. I am sick of lying to myself with fake optimism, while the pessimist side always tell the true story of how things will unfold. I don't feel like calling my mother back. I don't feel like calling any of my friends. I barely feel like going outside. I muster up the energy to go to work, pretend that I am normal there, then come home and stay on my bed until I fall asleep and have lame dreams of flying, or being a more normal person. I don't know how the normal person handles rejection and loneliness but I know how a depressive person handles it: lots of sleep, lots of moping, and lots of thoughts of suicide. 
JenLuckBuckle JenLuckBuckle
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 24, 2012

I know how you feel, getting in bed and staying there until you fall asleep, on weekends sleeping until four or five in the afternoon. I'm unemployed right now so sometimes I sleep till three even on weekdays. It seems right now my most enjoyable emotional state is unconscious.

Yeah, that is how this person deals with it as well.