Intensly Overwhelming..

Hello there, I have always feared vomit, but it did not effect my life.. until I was 12, I went out for the first time with my friends, and at snack time (in a cafeteria) i felt my stomach upset and my throat tight, and almost vomitted infront of everyone (although i did not vomit the experience was still traumatic) To make things even worse, my friends disgusted me instead of helping me, and also at school used to laugh at me with others by recounting this experience to others in front of me, that was so painful. Since then my life has been so difficullt, i have also suffered periods of depression. It was after 4 years that i went to a psychiatrist for the first time, unfortunately that psychiatrist all he did was taking money, that's all. So after around a year and a half I went to another one, who was really nice with me, and did understand me a lot, in fact i have lived decently, until last summer, i went for a holiday for one week, which turned into a nightmare. I got so anxious that i ended up vomiting.. spent the whole holiday almost without food, and came back home sad, terrified and lost weight. During summer i kept on losing apetite and losing weight (people thought i was suffering anorexia nervosa), feeling nausea most of the time, and even spent a 4 days of severe anxiety, i had to call sick at work, and had vomitted a lot due to the severe anxiety :-(( (vomiting with empty stomach is much more painful..) I lost interest in everything.. After days and days like that, i gave up, and committed suicide.. by overdose of medication. Eventually i was taken to hospital, and survived. Afterwords i felt very guilty for what i did, and promised my family and my boyfriend (who supports me a lot) not to do it again. Although i am much better than last summer, i still find it difficult to live a healthy social life. Am afraid to go shopping alone, and eating in a restaurant is the thing i fear most, i cannot enjoy myself a holiday either. I am currently ongoing a program of Cbt with my psychiatrist. It would be my dream to overcome this fear, and felt very happy that i found this group, cause although emetophobia is considered one of the top common phobias, i still did not meet anyone like me till now, and would be really comforting for me to talk to someone who can listen to me and understand what I'm going through.

Thanks for reading
MoonOrchid MoonOrchid
22-25, F
May 16, 2012