My Emetaphobia Story

This is long just to warn you all! Ok I'm 14 and I'm in 8th grade. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I've always worried about something but it has never been this bad. I was doing great in middle school. I had great friends, a great boyfriend, I went to church, enjoyed school, was getting good grades, played sports, and just generally enjoyed life. Around April 2011 I started to feel sick in Spanish class so I asked to go to the nurse. I felt like I had to throw up so I started crying and had to go home. I came back the next day and everything was fine for about a week. Then, I felt sick again in gym class. Again I started crying and had to go home. This was the day before spring break. During spring break I just got extremely terrified of throwing up. I wouldn't eat, and I had to carry a bowl around everywhere just in case. I remember one night I got so worked up and started shaking and crying and actually did throw up. I dropped out of school that year and had a tutor for the remainder of the year. I couldn't go anywhere for about 4 months. After some counseling, I had re connected with some friends and could finally go places. It was still hard but I could do it. Then 8th grade started. I was going to go back to my big middle school but I couldn't do it so I switched to a private school that was smaller. That still was torture so I did online school. I loved it. I was so happy. But sadly, I took it for granted and was so lazy that I never finished the work. So I have to take 8th grade over again. I moved this year and have to go to a big middle school in my new town. It's torture. I loved it here until school started. All I want is to do online school again! I feel like I just get worse every day I go to school. I think about suicide and running away everyday and every morning I throw huge fits trying to fight going to school which is really hard on my parents. It's such a nightmare. It's almost like a living hell. I can do everything absolutely fine with no anxiety (ex. Shopping, eating out; going into big city's) the only problem I have is school. And it's ruining my life. I feel so alone and unhappy and nobody understands. And of course my biggest fear is throwing up in class. I just wish there were more options because I can't do this anymore!
Lovepink7654 Lovepink7654
13-15
Sep 24, 2012