For As Long As I Can Remember...

I've been severely emetophobic for as long as I can remember.  It controls my life.

If someone even says they have a stomach ache, I have to question them until I'm satisfied that it's just something they ate, or cramps, or something....

And if it's not...

I hyperventilate and panic the moment I receive knowledge that someone's sick, be it that I hear it or someone mentions it.

I can't breathe, I immediately spray my entire room with lysol and coat myself in hand sanitizer.  I will cease eating and drinking for days until the sickness is gone.  I will keep myself from nourishment just so that I don't have to use the bathroom where people are vomitting.

I won't go out if I have even the slightest twinge of a stomachache.

Nausea and stomach pain have kept me up many nights before.

Whenever I leave to go somewhere, I have to make sure that all of the people I'm seeing--and their families are not sick, and the first words out of my mouth when I return home are "Who's sick?"

My boyfriend will stay up on the phone with me and promise me twelve times over that I'm not going to throw up that night, and that no one is sick, and that I need to calm down.

I plan my life around when I'll be able to use the restroom, and I can't stand to not be near one, or not be able to get to one (sitting in the middle in the movie theatre, etc) in case I have to vomit.

Now I have to share a bed with my mom.  When one of the kids are sick, of course, she's all around them. But, no matter how many times I lysol the room or use hand sanitizer, I can't help but panic because she brought the germs in with her.  I have no where that I can go to be alone and safe and germ free.

I am not in college because of a different circumstance, but I'm afraid that I will never be able to go.

My friends who are in college talk about the drinking, and the hangovers, and with drinking and hangovers comes vomiting.

This fear is controlling my life, my every move, and every little thing that I put in my body. 

It is to the point that I wash my hands in the bathroom, then have to come back into my room and put on hand sanitizer because I don't know what germs could be lurking on the doorknob.

I get ridiculed for this all of the time, especially by my uncles, who take great pleasure in gagging at me, and then telling me how I need to just "get the **** over it already, you're an adult."

I don't know how to get over it.

I'm trapped by my fears...

I'm paralyzed by my emetophobia.

Truli Truli
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 2, 2010

We are all here for you. I have suffered from this fear since I was probably 11 or so. I'm 22 now and the last few years seem to be getting worse. There is a nasty bug going around work right now and even though I haven't come in contact with the sick people in about 4 days I can't shake the feeling that I might get it. That I might wake up in the middle of the night sick as a dog. It's tough I know exactly what you're going through with the constant panic attacks. If you ever need someone to talk to about it message me and I'll do my best. You just have to constantly remind yourself that you're going to be ok. Best wishes

I'm crying as I'm writing this, because i know how it feels... <br />
I can relate to you so much, its crazy. My boyfriend stays up with me all night promising me its nothing. that nothing will happen. Ive woken him up at 7:30 each morning because ive had cramps from my period.<br />
It's rediculous. I'm so sick of this emetophobia ruining my life. I can't stand it anymore.<br />
I hate it so much. <br />
If you ever need a random person to talk to, I'm here. I hope we all do get better one day. I'm sick of waking up with anxiety, going through life with anxiety, and falling asleep, with anxiety.<br />
I feel for you...

I have Emetophobia, too. I know how tough it is. I feel very bad for you. As Melissa93 said, "I'm here for if you ever need to talk :)" Hope you get better... hope we all get better! :)

Oh i feel for you, i really do. i know exactly what your going through. My fear is when i hear that someone is ill. If they are in the same room, i have a panic attack and have to leave the room. I share a room with my sister and whenever she is ill, i go all night without sleep. I hate this phobia and i would do absoloutly anything to overcome it. Im here for you if you ever need to talk :) xx