I Have Trouble Interacting With People.

Especially strangers. I have vast trust issues. My mind is suspicious in nature. Right when I meet someone I try to look through them. Luckily people are usually pretty oblivious. I listen well, cross check any vague little vibe. arrogance. or "shadiness". Always measuring up whether or not I can turn my back on them. I have post traumatic stress disorder. Like an intense distrust and paranoia, that belongs there. A deep rooted survivalist intensity. Any slight bit of adrenaline, and I am on guard. Its like always looking over your shoulder. I guess that is the most severe of my emotional problems.. It effects my ability to just talk to people. Tell them what I think of feel. In day to day life, at work or the like. I do not talk very much. But when I am rarely able to relax, I am able to have great conversations with people. I know that my past is still holding me back, delaying any real future. I am getting better. But still it is difficult. That is one of the reason I am here on EP. To learn how other people are and are not able to handle life. To gain some perspective. There are many people damaged in some way. Why some thrive despite adversity. Why some are able to function despite what they have seen.
jeremyleaves jeremyleaves
26-30, M
5 Responses Oct 16, 2012

Dude, you need to chill, clearly. Doing all that work every time you meet someone: I listen well, cross check any vague little vibe. arrogance. or "shadiness". Always measuring up whether or not I can turn my back on them. -- that's a lot of work; must be exhausting.

Hi Jeremy. Like this story. I am the opposite to you here. I have no problem taqlking to strangers. I have built a business on it, and a life. I too am damaged in thata lot of times people don`t seem to warm up to me much. some do though. Always a struggle. I fit better than I used to. I find that if I don`t push myself on people i can fit. I am self employed and can`t work for anyone cause of this. I have navigated around my problem. I survive by doing my own thing and pulling whomever in that I can. Ian

I have ptsd to and also bipolar, differentiated schizophrenia, and other disorders and I feel like this sometimes to.

My heart aches for your suffering.
Why some people thrive after enormous adversity and others, who have had what looks like a fantastic life fail miserably has no real answer which is why life is so hard.
The best things I have learned - through living - about how to have a positive life are: how good or bad you perceive your life to be is controlled -in part - by how we decide to view things. I do not mean to imply a "pollyanna" view of things at all. We all inherit things from our family, some of us can sing -I'm not one of them. Some are good with science and math, I'm not one of them either. This is a real big simplification of things but I know you'll understand what I mean. Everyone has different life experiences beside the inherited genetic differences. One of the most important things I've learned through living is that no one survives life. None of us can control where our life goes; our choices lead us in certain directions but things often happen about which we have absolutely no control.

A drunk driver hits your car, your family is killed, you wake up a month later with a body that no longer functions normally and to the words-I'm sorry for your loss... After all the crazy grief, anger, why my family/why me - perhaps a year later when the horror becomes slightly less overwhelming and your brain is able to focus on something other than the accident, how will you choose to live the rest of your life.That is the truth: how will you CHOOSE to live the rest of your life.
Some people will live the next 40 years in a bleak place inside themselves where they only see anger and bitterness. Some will choose to never get out of bed again. Others, who survived similar situations force their bodies to have as much normal movement as possible. What separates the last people from the other 2 groups? They somehow managed to change the focus of their lives from inside themselves to a goal OUTSIDE of themselves. They chose to work to improve whatever they had left and to focus on something positive rather than on the undeniable horror they survived.

In my life, which has not had any horror or suffering nearly as serious as yours, but which has had a large share of grief, pain and loss; I had to take control of my thoughts and literally FORCE myself to stop thinking about the past. That is not easy to do, to an extent it is a lifetime fight. Just because you want the difficult thoughts to go away does not mean that they will unless you work on that old junk as often as necessary. It means that you do not fight with your situation anymore, you realize that you are not the same person and will never be that person again.You have no control over the past events, accepting that change is the first step on the journey to a positive life. By realizing that no one can change yesterday we can only change today and that we have a choice about who we want to become tomorrow is accepting that we are what we are.
For some reason that acceptance is extremely freeing - and a large weight will suddenly drop off your shoulders. That's what happened to me and I suspect it happens to many others.

Treat things that you must with medication and therapy - there is absolutely no shame in that. But you will have to force the negative thoughts (horrors) out of your mind. The more you do that work the more you will be able to retrain your brain to follow the new pattern of positive thoughts in order to free yourself the pain of suffering the same horrors again and again.. Those things have happened already, you have suffered for them; and darn it you do not deserve to suffer through those same things again (inside your head).

I care, you can count on me to give you the best answers to your questions that I can. I can't say that my answers will work for you the way they worked for me - but I can say they will be given honestly and in good faith.

Hang on.

In most regards, I am exactly who I want be. But there is a part of me that is insecure. I am social wreck. The only people I speak well with require few words. I desire to be around real people and only have real conversations. Strangers are usually rude and cold. But mostly its me, making the best of a damaged situation.

well put. would like to know the exact way you worked on yourself over and over..Ian

Everyone has past everyone has issues and everyone is damged in some way but the one difference is are you going to let your issues hold you back or can you learn and let go and move forward in a world of evil there is a little good out there but you can't find it if you are always hiding.

I am troubled by one situation, one thing that I thought I had figured out. I am hiding in my isolation for many reasons. I am disappointed by people in general, but those that enter my heart disappoint me the most. And I just know that I can't take another hit like that.

If it didn't hurt then it didn't mean anything sometimes pain reminds us of what we need.

apparently it meant a lot.