Will I Ever Get My Life Back?

Last year, after many years of pain and being passed around by doctors, I was finally diagnosed with endo. Quickly the relief of finally know what was wrong with my body was erased when it still seemed like I couldn't find any doctor willing to help me. When I found a doctor who seemed to be very knowledgable in the subject I felt a little bit if hope, but between Shots and birth control that gave me no relief my doctor started to act like I was crazy and lying about my pain. I honestly began to question my own body. Was I crazy? I often pleaded with God to just help me feel better for one day (by this time the pain had stop being just around periods and was constant). My doctor set up a day months down the road for a laparoscopy and pretty much decided to let me fend for myself until then. I was so heartbroken that another human being could treat someone that was hurting so bad like that. But I was fearful if I left this doctor it would be longer until I could find someone else willing to help. I was to the point where I didn't care who did it, I just wanted it done.

Finally the day came for my surgery. I was taken into the operating room and put under. The next thing I know I am being woken up by my doctor who's exact first words to me were "Well I guess you actually were telling the truth about your pain. You have endometriosis and a cyst that was the size if two of my thumbs put together that was starting to twist around and tie itself off. Luckily we did the surgery." I don't know if it was the pain from surgery, the medicine, the fact that I had suffered for so long in silence, or that I finally felt vindicated but all I could do to answer him was to finally break down crying. I vowed right then to never return to that awful compassion less doctor.

So now here I am 6 months after my laparoscopy and my pain has returned times 10. 2 months after the procedure I felt okay and had a normal period and then one day I didn't get my period and still haven't got it yet. Everyday that goes by I deal with the fear that my period will never come and that one day my fiancé and I will never be blessed with a beautiful baby. My pain gets worse everyday and now is starting to affect my bowel, bladder, stomach, and back. I still haven't found a doctor to help me feel better in fear that I don't know how my emotional state would hold up with another doctor run around.

Between the pain and the depression from being kicked around and the constant nagging fear that I will never be able to have the life I wanted, I find it increasingly more and more hard getting out if bed every morning and putting on a smile. Maybe this is my life now? I sure hope not.
Britt25any Britt25any
22-25, F
4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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I understand where you are coming from. I have stage IV endometriosis, and for the last 2 years of my life when the endo decided to blow up in my face, I have been suffering every single day. 3 laparoscopies and 1 laparotomy later (all within a year), I am still suffering from my endometriosis. By the grace of God, I conceived early in life and have a son, but my fiance and I are trying to have another which most likely will not happen because the endo has eating my ovarian reserve. It is the most horrible pain to deal with, and I would never wish it upon anyone. I have gone through many doctors, and finally found a doctor in Houston, TX who actually understands the disease.

After this last surgery in July (laparotomy), I found a website for a product called Endovan. After having lost all hope for any kind of normal life or children again, I figured why not try? I was only birth control and lupron. Lupron just made me crazy and didn't help with the pain, but I believe I finally found a product that works.

I have been taking endovan for a little over a month now, and it has helped tremendously!!!! For the first time in 2 years, I feel like a normal person again. I have read reviews from people that have claimed pregnancy after using this product for a few months. I can vouch regarding the pain.

I would look into this option if I were you. It is pricey, but I promise that it has been the only thing that has helped me up until this point.

After going through a 10-hour surgery to separate my organs, remove part of my colon, remove my appendix, remove an orange sized cyst from my colon, and several chocolate cysts on my ovaries, open my fallopian tubes, separate my fallopian tubes from my colon, remove endo forming on my stomach... the list goes on...

I think you can imagine my desperation for something that actually works to take the pain away.

If you can, please try endovan. I had no idea if it would work or not, and after only a little over a month, I am so grateful for finding this product. If you are having problems with your menstrual cycle, this just might be the product you need to regulate it.

It's so awful when people don't believe how much pain you're in and think you're lying. Doctors and other people will tell you the pain is "normal" but they can't feel it and clearly don't know, because pain that severe is never normal. They act like you don't even know your own body .... I'm so sorry about all you've been through.

I felt like I was reading my own story. I am so truthfully sorry that you have to deal with this everyday. I can relate to most of your story. Except I have been diagnosed but haven't had a chance for surgery to due lack of insurance. Sometimes I wonder the same, will it always be like this, depression and pain?