I Have Problems With My Mom

I don't know where to really start to lead you to where I am going, since this is an ongoing problem existing since I was a little child.

 

When I was little, I was just one happy kid.

I was my mom and dad's only child,

so they pretty much gave me, bought me, took me anything and everything that I want.

But obviously the problem is not that I was so loved when I was little.

 

It starts way back with my mom.

My mom had a very dependant mother, who could not make a living off by herself,

and always need someone to rely on to.

My mom's father was an alcoholic, and happened to be a not so reliable person.

But they were madly in love, never got divorced, but never took care of the kids.

My mom, two older sisters, and one older brother were all raised up like some orphans,

because no one really bothered to look after them but their grandmother, who is not in an ideal financial situation.

Things worsened when my mom's mother died when my mom was 12,

leaving them with only their father who was an alcoholic and would never come home except to take any money in the house.

Older brother and sister by then were old enough to start working and take matters into their own hands,

but the younger sister and my mom were too little and were forced to be raised by relatives.

My mom and her sister are only 2 years apart and they relied on each other to overcome the hard times.

And that lead straight up until they were older, got married, and had children.

My mom and her siblings....

They all couldn't break the vicious cycle of poverty, and lived in bad conditions.

Actually, the eldest sister did get married into a rich family,

but she doesn't bother being "family" to the rest of her siblings.

They barely contact each other.

My mom was the only person out of all her siblings to actually step up

and try to do something on her own. Like make money.

Looking at their parents, the concept of making money was kind of vague to them.

They never saw people making money and supporting the house with it,

which lead them with no concept of money until they were 20 somethings.

My mom is the youngest, but she paid for, and took care of all her siblings, along with our family for 20 years and plus.

So to her, family was not me, her, and my dad,

it was me, her, my dad, her sisters, her brother, and all their family.

My mom was too attached to her "family",

sometimes she puts them in front of me and my dad.

This only put her marriage into jeopardy,

my dad was caught cheating a couple of times-

(I'm not saying my dad was right. He was an xxx for it, )

but he says he can't take this "family" **** anymore

because we're not saving any money no matter how much we earn,

because we're taking care of a family about 10 and plus (and they are all adults).

My dad eventually left my mom. But nothing's changed except my dad is now living with another woman.

 

As for me...

Like I said before, I've been a spoiled child as a kid.

Got whatever I wanted, and was loved by both parents dearly.

And with that came expectations.

I had to be a good kid. Never disobey parents (MOM in specific)

never do anything I'm not supposed to, get good grades, and that sort of crap.

Well, I was actually good at following it.

I got the best grades, didn't make much friends because mom said I didn't need them.

I didn't know how to use money until I was 8th grade,

I didn't even know how to coordinate my own clothes until I was in 12th grade, how about that? :D

I was like her little pet.

I ate what she wanted me to, dressed how she wanted me to, did what she wanted me to.

and in return, I would get things I want, and her love.

As I got older and opened my eyes to the big stuff,

like romantic relationships, social life, and etc, things have been clashing with my mom constantly.

 

She never likes any of my boyfriends (which I know all parents are like that)

but I am forced to break up with them.

Because they don't have a future, they are poor, usually that kind of stuff.

She tends to scale everything with money.. not that its wrong, just a little extreme.

She doesn't let me work outside of her boundaries.

She didn't let me go to the college I wanted, which I went anyway,

and she made me quit the school after one year.

She never let me work as a high school student,

and she only let me work in her business after high school.

Now she wants me with her no matter what.

I am 24, old enough to make decisions by myself, and she doesn't have to take my burdens.

I can live by myself, make money myself, move in with a boyfriend, whatsoever.

These things are all not allowed.

 

I am living with my boyfriend now, who I will marry this year,

we've been dating for three years,

and my mom's torture to make me break up has been going on for three years.

She just doesn't like ANY GUY I'm dating and wants me to break up.

and then eventually she wants me to move in with her and be with HER,

she'll take care of me regardless of whether I have a job or not.

That's what she does to ALL her "family".

 

She's taking away the chance for me to be independant.

And this is the way she's been spoiling everyone she's taking care of.

None of them really work, and as a child I thought that was crazy weird.

Now I get it. My mom spoils them in a weird way that

they cannot become independant individual on their own.

And she's doing that to me, too.

 

I told her firmly that I wanna try things for myself.

If I make a mistake, it was my decisions so I won't point fingers to anyone.

I live and learn.

If I live just the way my mom wants me to,

I will never feel and learn anything.

If it goes right, I've just done what my mom told me to,

and if it goes wrong, I would just think my mom was wrong.

I told my mom that.... my boyfriend, my dad, my mom, whoever..

No one's gonna be there for me forever,

and I wanna make my choices myself.

If I do eventually want to rely on someone, I wanna make that my own decision too.

I don't want my mom forcing me to rely on her,

take all the burdens to herself which I know is tough for her too.

 

My mom is now "sick" because I wanna "get away" from her for no reason.

 

It's not like I don't love her.

I love her more than anything in the world,

but I can't live with my mom forever.

I can't move wherever state that she's moving to and drop all my life at where I've been to be with her.

She doesn't understand that THAT IS WHAT'S MAKING ME WEAK.

 

 

I'm frustrated.

My boyfriend is frustrated.

My mom is heartbroken.

 

No one is happy.

 

I just don't know what else to do to make any of this better..

graycloud graycloud
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 24, 2010

There is nothing you can do but live your own life--and be happy. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You have spine enough to live on your own and make your own mistakes. You definately have the right. Your mom is trying to manipulate you and I'm glad you realize it. Stop focusing on your mom and focus on you and your boyfriend. You are absolutely one smart cookie.