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Choir Of Fury

I don’t think I will ever quite get over the speed in which it hit me.
In a fury of flailing limbs, guttural noises and vacant eyes, as my twisted and bruised body slumped to the floor, in a matter of seconds… or was it minutes? my life had changed.

Locked jaw, slow motion, arms of concrete. Shudders and convulsions from my very core. Voices and ringing ears and the ebb and flow of consciousness. A choir of fury in my head. Needles and wires and tears. Fluorescent lights, crisp sheets. A hand in mine.

Over.

And with the speed, fury and violence in which it came and went, what was left was a brittle shell of myself. Hollow to the core. Left with twitching fingers, throbbing pain, flurries of heartbeat. Glittering bursts of colour unfurling in my eyes, dark thoughts settling on my shoulders.

Fear.

What is a life when one can not trust their own mind?
What is a life when one can not control their own body?

A life which I will go on to live the best I can.

Alone.
catparade catparade 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 21, 2011

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Hold on...you're describing a conscious seizure...I've had 3 and they really suck! Watching your body unresponsive...yuk! Rejoice, though...some great people had epilepsy...julius cesar was one...I had brain surgery but the seizures got much worse...

OMG! You described the illness PERFECTLY! I havn't always had epilepsy. It wasn't until I was around 24 that I had my first one the docs say was stress induced but havn't stopped unless I am on anti-anxiety meds. Some say it was the meds, but I was having seizures first, then I was given the xanax along with the dilantin. When I got preggers 4 years ago I was weaned off the xanax and still on the dilantin, and at 5 months pregnant I had a grand mal in my sleep and the baby lost oxygen.. i was out for about 8 minutes. This made the docs place me back on xanax.. I am a student, work full time and do not abuse the meds, but when life gets to stressful and i feel a panic attack coming on, I have to rather than take the risk of losing my memory, or worse..my life or taking someone elses on my way to work...