Over the last 25 years so much has changed, so much has been gained and lost and yet my life still feels like it is just begining. I was born in May of 1985 to my first time parents in a rain ridden town also the capital of Washington State. From the memories that I have it was a good life that we had where we were. When I was three I had my first seizure and the doctors at the medical facility did not believe my parents for awhile until I ended up having one in front of the doctors. The doctors had me on something then switched me to Depokote which made me tired a lot of the time but I was still able to function normally and my pictures made me look like an average kid.
By the time I was in first grade we had moved from one rainy city to another then to a desert oasis. I had started in gymnastics and transitioned to ballet because I was not allowed to play sports as a child because my parents did not want my head injured. I had a good childhood most would say school, dance, church and a few light chores. I remember all my grade school teachers names and am thankful to this day that they where kind, patient and willing to put up with me. I hated doing homework growing up because I would have rather been at ballet.
When I was nine, in spring of1994 my parents had my middle sister, then in spring 1996 they had a third girl. Both sisters are perfectly healthy except with seasonal allergies and are allowed to do sports.
My tweens were fairly good to me, I wasn't the popular student in school, but I wasn't a nerd either I just remember sitting at the lunch table with the kids that didn't have any other table to fit into. By this time my neurologist had switched me from Depakote to the latest wonder drug Keppra which I have been on since and like a whole lot more than the Depakote. During my eighth grade year, fate brought me more than one surprise. It was the year I ended up with enough courage to dance in the talent show and the year I became a cheerleader that spring.
Ballet has always been apart of me and it will continue to be that way even if now I will only ever get to watch it. I danced at the local ballet company for several years, the last year that the teacher owned the studio she put us on pointe, we did Peter Pan, and I ended up with my first solo bit as the crocodile. I continued with another dance teacher for a few years after that whom in my mothers opinion never liked me and she pulled me out of the program. I was told that if I wanted to continue with the thing that I loved the most that I would have to pay for it myself and find my own rides.
"The heart dies a slow death shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are non, no hopes, nothing remains...." (Memoirs of a Geisha, to be continued)
My freshman year I was involved in ballet, a second dance company, cheerleading, and baby sitting sisters and a couple of other kids. My sophomore year was the last year I was in Ballet, I made JV cheer again but because a lack of cheerleaders the few who remained where bumped up to Varsity so I earned my one and only letter that year. That year was probably one of the most emotional years in high school for me because I could feel change coming and did not like what was on the horizon. I did not make cheer squad my Jr. year but ended up with my license, a car and more responsibility than a teenager should have to deal with. I was basically left to raise my sisters, do 90% of the household work, wait on my sisters hand and foot, do all my homework, be in the high school plays, go to church functions and church, and with a little spare time hang out with the few friends that I had and was close to. My Senior year was awesome to an extent, I did the same exact things as my Junior year except I ended up on JV squad for cheerleading which wasn't the best experience of my life but a memorable one. I graduated in 2003 with a high GPA and awarded a couple of grants for the local community college.
At the end of my Jr year I went to Hawaii with my mothers parents and my Aunt it was relatively fun the first week then very boring the second week. Once I graduated I was able to go to Boston for my Senior trip from my parents. I spent the summer staying with my Aunt and worked at MOS which was amazing and met people that I am currently still friends with.
Growing up I was told to watch and not participate in sports. But I was allowed to do other things, I can go to movies in the theaters, I can play on game consoles for hours on end, watch tv hrs on end, and be on my laptop hours on end. I hate strobe lights, cop care lights or anything that is similar especially at night because they just annoy the bloody daylight out of me and they make em so you cant see. If someone leaves an elctronic piece of equipment on and not use it such as leaving the tv on without it being on a channel or not having the dvd on I can hear the white noise and it drives me up the wall. Which means I can't live in silence when doing homework or anything there has to be noise to drive away the eritatting white noise. I have learned to tolerate a lot of things and live relatively normal.
Since then I have finished my associates in arts and sciences or transfer degree. Went to EWU did my minor and had the time of my life and have made friends for life with several people. Only to be hit with the reality of only finishing my minor of Early Childhood Special Education and not having money to finish college. So I returned home where I currently work part time for two different jobs, trying to finish my BA in Elementary Education.
"Just surviving Mr. Chang. Just surviving." Bond, James Bond. To Die Another Day
As you have read my story sounds like billion of other peoples stories that you have probably read about living out a normal life. With my epilepsy that was the best goal my parents had for me was to make sure I was able to function on my own for years to come when they could no longer provide for me. In the past the ones that I remember from when I was older because of trying to ween me off medication. I some how know something is wrong with my body about 30 seconds prior to me having a seizure then I see a light and then blackness all around that never ends and no pictures or memories just pitch blackness that seems to go on forever. Till I wake up 30 seconds to a minute later feeling like it has been hours or days rather than only a mattter of seconds.
"....She paints her face to hide her face, her eyes are deep water it is not for Geisha to want. It is not for her to feel. Geisha is to be an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings, she entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret."
"I'm fighting for something that is real for the first time in my life." Tyler Gage, Step Up
"Can't you see that every step I have taken since I was that child on the bridge is to bring myself closer to you." Sayuri, Memoirs of a Geisha