Like A Leaky Faucet

There's no better way to describe my experience. It's a constant annoyance, bother, and continual heartache. Let me say first that this is my experience and mine alone, but a typical day consists of:
-Constant screaming in my head.
-Hallucinations (visual) in the corner of my eyes mostly, but every so often something that is not there persists in space and time reguardless of it not being there! For example, I saw a dead cat one evening in a relative's home. I knew it was impossible because no one else seemed to react. But it probably remained there for fifteen minutes or more. The visual hallucinations are extremely frequent. I often don't go too long on a bad day without seeing something or another.
-Delusions: GAWH! These are the most annoying of all. What I find that it's best to simply not trust youself but instead find ways to cross check all things. These beliefs can be as strange as thinking I've stolen my OWN identity from myself. X/ Ugh!

For me, living with this is not really too awful. It requires viligance and a firm hand to keep myself out of trouble's reach, but it doesn't impeed on my life as greatly as it used to. These symptoms began as a child ~6 years old. I believed to have recieved powers to see the future from a demon.. appartently. People just assumed it was child's play until I began having some trouble in school. :( Getting to classes and completing personal hygene were two things that often escaped me and occassionally still do.

There's so little I see done to help screen kids with childhood schizophrenia. Perhaps it's because of the rarity of the disease or the difficulty to actually diagnose. But early detection would have been helpful.

People find it odd that I think of pyschosis as an annoyance rather than something frightening. I'll admit it was frightening as a child experiencing these things, but when you've lived with it for so long and know how to deal with the symptoms when they come along, there's really not that much terror to be had. Just frustration like a leaky faucet that just keeps dripping, dripping, dripping, dripping, dripping,.... And on good days it's all just white noise I filter out by habit. On bad days I can't stand my life and just wish I could turn the darn water off! But it's my frustration getting the best of me, rather than any part of the symptoms. :/ Just part of life I supose. No one's perfect, but it looks like I'm stuck with this for life!
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18-21, F
May 11, 2012