"i'm On A Ride And I Want To Get Off, But They Won't Slow Down The Roundabout.."

This line from a song is the best way I could sum up what was happening to me. I was living with my now Ex who was 22 years older than me, his daughter who originally was my friend and a housemate a mutual friend convinced us to take in on good faith..

Before I knew it at age 19 I was the only one going to work, paying the rent, we also were smoking a lot of dope, it was the only way I got through those days. It may sound like denial, say whatever you will, my psychosis may never have eventuated without the smoke, the stress alone may have broke me.. Maybe it was both?

It happened around the September of 2007, I completely lost track of the days. I hadn't slept in days, I knew I wasn't right but I knew sleep deprivation made people a little off. I thought one good night sleep would put me right..

I remember knowing something was really wrong when I slept in the lounge one night, I cut my arm with the scissors, it relieved and calmed me to the point I actually went to sleep.

Things after are blurry. Yet I remember some of the visual hallucinations as vividly, realistically clear as day as they were at the time. One time I swear I saw my car back out of the driveway and down the road.. When I woke my ex and screamed that someone had stolen it and returned to the front window, my car of course was still sitting in the driveway.

When the **** really hit the fan it was early October, it was my brother's 40th birthday. At the time I was convinced my ex's brother had planned to kill my entire family and all the guests at the party in a Charles Manson style murder scene. I spent the night in absolute fear.

That night I remember seeing 'dead dogs' in my lounge room and burning in the fire we had outside.

The next thing I knew I wasn't allowed to go 'home' and the CAT team had arrived at my mothers house and I was told to take the tablets they gave me and to stay at my mothers house...

5 years later and a year of rispirdone tablets, i'm pleased to say, while I still struggle some days, my mental health is stronger than it was before this breakdown.
lonelystoneratnite lonelystoneratnite
Sep 5, 2012