It all started at a music festival that I attended two years ago. i experienced drug-induced psychosis for a few days-probably prolonged by minimal sleep and nourishment. its taken me a long time to piece together the timeline of events that occurred and i still obsessively probe my mind for answers to the blank spaces. it ended in a mental facility where over the course of a week i came back to reality. its was a combination of vyvanse and bad molly that triggered my altered state of reality. it happened so subtly and progressed into extreme madness.
but i didnt know at the time that i had lost my mind. i thought that things had just changed. it was as if they were always there and i had tapped into this other realm of understanding. every image i have of these memories is associated with various delusions i was experiencing at the time. and these delusions have not yet ceased to haunt me. there are so many and are so confusing that it is impossible for my currently "sane" mind to understand the scope of what they all were. everything was so very different. the funny thing is that looking back, now, i can see how they all crazily spin off of my perceptions and beliefs. especially what was influencing me more at the time.
for example, i had this ancient connection with the earth and the universe. somehow i had come to know that i had lived passed lives and that this was my last one. i would be over when i went to sleep. it was terrifying but i was at a festival and was surrounded by the lively energy and happenings. i thought it was some sort of going-away party. things were creepy and sacred. i didnt feel human anymore. it was like i had turned into a more pure form of my energy, my soul. i had all kinds of delusions that came with looking into people's eyes. i really thought i could see their souls from their eyes. and certain characteristics of eyes indicated if they were enlightened. for everything that i came into contact with, my mind created delusions about everything surrounding it. it all spun off into infinity. i could feel it all. time ceased to exist. i wish that it could all fit into a story but it just doesnt make enough sense to. i think i might be able to someday but it makes me so sad when i remember these delusions. its like mourning the loss of myself. the way i saw everything was just horribly scary. im terrified that it will happen again but that hasnt kept me from pushing my brinks at times since. i wish that i could type out everything that happened but it still doesnt formulate coherently enough. and it really brings me down to relive it in my head. i still dont know how to cope with it all. it's effected everything about me.
psychoticalias psychoticalias
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 19, 2014

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Sounds like an amazing em experience people in the amazon drink ayoaska and have the same experiences

i think you interpreted this very wrong. but i also left out a lot of my other specific delusions that in no way resemble taking ayoaska. like how i also thought that certain combinations of numbers had hidden meanings (when i was wandering the street around peoples homes), or my blood could cure aids (when my parents took me to the hospital), or that the illuminati were holding a secret meaning above me (when i was in the basement of a funeral home)...so not what most people would call an amazing experience.