I'm Divorcing The Man Who Molested My DaughterI'm divorcing the man who molested my daughter Well here goes nothing! My very first blog, and definitely not under circumstances I could have ever imagined myself in! Sometimes life just sucks!
A month and a day ago I was married to the perfect man...well more or less...no marriage is perfect. I considered myself to be a very lucky lady. I met my husband 11 years ago when my own children were 4 and 6. My husband's daughters were 17, 18, and 19. Imagine being all done raising your own kids, and taking on a 4 year old and a 6 year old.
In the 10 years of our marriage, he carted the kids to and from soccer practice, school, and friends' houses, He fixed fabulous meals on the days he got home from work before me. Al took our son on father-son trips, Our son....actually, my son. Anyone who knew me, knew I was proud of my husband and very in love with him, I considered him to be a "stand-up kind of guy" with integrity and one of the few who does the right thing no matter what the personal cost to himself. Without a doubt, Al was the person in this world I admired most.
A few weeks ago my beautiful 15 year old daughter finally revealed a side of my husband I never knew existed. It was odd how it all happened. Al had been asking me why Erica was always avoiding him. Why was Erica so uncomfortable around Al? Erica wasn't doing anything differently from her older brother Collin had done when he was her age. She was staying in her room texting, studying, and spending every free moment at her friends' houses. Anytime I would ask her what was wrong, she would say that Al assigned too many chores and was too strict. Same thing Collin used to say! My husband was insistent there was more to the story.
Finally after much prodding on my part, Erica let it slip that she didn't want to talk about "it". What? How could there be an "it" to talk about? My worst fears bubbled to the surface and I asked, "What? Is Al a perv or something?" She started off with "I don't know" and progrssed to "sort of". When I pressed her to tell me what had been happening she fought off tears, reluctant to tell me what she knew would end a very happy marriage.
The year before, Al had begun touching her inappropriately outside of her bikini anytime I got out of the jacuzzi ahead of her. ( Al had raised Erica since she was 4, and although I was especially watchful when Al and I first met, I had come to trust him.) Then one night while we were on a family vacation to see Al's grown daughters and grandkids, Al fondled my daughter's breast after I went to bed in the middle of a movie. He must have scared even himself because he left Erica alone for a month or two.
His last time touching her occurred almost a year ago, when he approached her from behind and put his arms around her waist, his thumbs touching the bottom of her breasts. He told her to tell him if he ever did anything to make her feel uncomfortable. Finally my soft spoken daughter spoke up and said, "What you're doing now makes me uncomfortable." After that he never touched her again. It seemed to have stopped as quickly as it had started.
Over the last year he approached her three separate times asking her if he should move out. She was protective of me and said no each time.
I have to stop my story here for tonight. I am exhausted. In case anyone is wondering, yes, we did report him to the police. A very painful and difficult thing to do, that I will write about another time.
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I can never ever be with the man I loved more than anything. The fascade I thought I knew. The person that could do that to my daughter.
One of the things that makes this so hard is that I see things in Al that make me know he was remorseful long before the police were involved. I saw the tremendous amount of good he did for our family for the nearly 10 years before he ever touched her. Unfortunatley, I've also recently heard comments here and there that tell me he doesn't get it.
It's all not as cut and dry as I would have thought it would be. The only cut and dry part is that will never be with someone who molested my daughter, and I will do anything necessary to see to it this doesn't happen to someone else;s daughter. My feelings are a mess. I love the fascade I was married to. I want that man back. I hate what he really is. I don't know who or what he really is. I doubt myself as a mother and a wife. I cry every day now. My patience with strangers is short. I am so angry. And, yes, I know we will be fine. But it sure hurts like hell right now.