I Am Scrooge....

I had a major back surgery, a year ago, and it failed. It lefts me with chronis S1 nerve damage, and the inability to do anything in one position (including sleeping) for longer than 15 minutes. I married my husband, who was still living with his parents with 2 college degrees, 2 years ago. I have 4 kids from a previous marriage, that was severely abusive in everyway. He adopted all 4 of my kids 6 months ago. I'm sooo happy that the kids are forever away from their bio dad, but it just feels like my world is crashing down around me. The pain, a year later, from my surgery is just getting worse everyday, and more problems are appearing at a rapid pace. Plus, my grandfather, who basically raised me, died in May (his funeral was a day before the adoption was finalized).
So obviously, there are a lot of things going on, and I just feel like I'm being pulled into this bottomless, dark pit. I'm not suppose to be doing much house work at all. Maybe, cooking dinner from a stool, and some other things that don't require me to bend or twist. My husband, however, has decided that he's bored, I guess, with helping. Then, my 3 younger kids, are all in basketball, which means I'm sitting on hard bleachers about 12 hours a week. To top it off, I just got my first denial from social security.
Money is sooo tight that I cannot afford my doctor visits or medications, because our human services says my husband makes to much to help.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't even care about Christmas. I have gotten all my kids their Christmas gifts by selling off every item that I own that has value. The only people that buy for me are my mom and husband (even though his whole family buys for him and my mom does too.) My mom just buys things to hurry up and get to her set limit, and my husband buys the most predictable things like items from bath and body works, or gift cards, and so does my mom. Those are the things that you buy people either you don't know, or you just don't care enough to put time or thought into their gifts. While I, on the other hand, put months of thought into everything that I get people.
I'm just so tired of nobody caring about me in anyway. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to spontaneously combust!
dcgt04 dcgt04
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

I think I can relate. I fell off a ladder and busted my back from T 11-S 1 I got fused, but a screw at S1 is irritating the nerve.. It's like you want to crawl away from the pain, but there's nowhere to go. Everyday is a challenge, getting out of bed seems like a major accomplishment sometimes. Here's what IV learned that helps.. Believe it or not diet can play a role, sugar, and dairy make most people more susceptible to inflammation.. Try to eat as healthy as you can, lots of greens, fruits, veggies, quit processed foods (virtually anything in a box) cut down on cooked foods if you can. You may not get pain free, but if you make your body an "inflammation free zone" you might find your pain will greatly reduce. I know that for me, going "vegan raw" eliminated all my joint aches and pains, and has kept my sciatic pain reasonable

I'm sorry