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God Help Me

For the entire 23 years of my life, I have either been the victim of, or stood helplessly and watched my family manipulate. My grandmother (Nanny) is the worst of them all. If you don't agree with her or you don't do what she wants, she will literally cry, and say, "Fine. I guess you don't love me then." (Anyone that has a five year old, does this sound familiar?) She abuses prescription drugs, and when you confront her on it, she cries, and... anyone? Yep, says you don't love her. Now she has 3 biological children, 1 adopted, and 1 nephew she also adopted. The two adopted boys have nothing to do with her because she is insane, and she tries to control everyone, the youngest biological boy has his own problems with drugs and not doing much with his life (basically marrying a replica of my Nanny, it's creepy!) The two girls (my mom is the oldest) are polar opposites. My mom is soooo much like her, it scares the bejeezus out of me, but you can't tell her that! She gets so angry and indignant and says, "I am nothing like her, and don't you ever say that again!" But she is just like her. My Aunt (who I swear to God is my real mother, and somehow I was switched at birth) will not tolerate any nonsense from my mother or my nanny. (She's my hero!) My aunt has a daughter that is 3 months younger than me. She has completely f*ed up her life, and wont admit when she is wrong. (Sounds like my mom! See? We were switched! I am telling ya!) I am the only one in my family that has my high school diploma, is going to college, and does not have children. I just got married 5 months ago (still not pregnant!) to the sweetest guy. (Poor thing doesn't know what he married into) The rest of the cousins, maybe 10 or so altogether, are complete screwups. Not to toot my own horn, but they all have problems with drugs, one is an exotic dancer (no offense if you are!) and they all have kids that they neglect in one way or another. And yet, after all of my joys of not being a complete screw up, people like my mom or my nanny like to call me and tell me what I am doing wrong, and how I should fix it. Recently I bought my very first car (Yay!) and my cousin that's a dancer lives real close to me, and I watch her kids, well she started borrowing my new car, and my mom got all crazy and angry and yelled at me and nagged me for hours on end about how she was going to email my aunt because her daughter was taking advantage of me, and I was stupid for letting her take my car. I know it was stupid, but I thought I could help, and I finally realized that I wasn't helping, I was enabling, so I told her no more on the car. The day after I tell the cousin that she can't use my car anymore, my uncle (the adopted one that has nothing to do with the craziness, and whom I haven't spoken to in 7 years) calls me and starts lecturing me on why I should not let the cousin borrow my car! Arrrrgghh! My mother had called the poor guy and made him call me to talk some sense into me. More manipulation right there. She tells me all the time what a ***** I am to my husband, and how mean I am to everyone else. I asked my husband honestly if he thought I was a *****, and he said no (after I stopped hitting him. ONLY KIDDING! I am sarcastic, this is why she thinks I am a *****) anyways, he loves my assertiveness, and he thinks I am funny when I get all fired up. That's not the point, sorry. My mom learned from her mom how to try to make me dance on a string, and I have had it. Yay for me now because I have stood up to her, and my cousin in one week! :) I know it wont stick because they are manipulative super-masters, and I never catch their tricks until too late, and I am dancing again. Wow this is super long. If you read the whole thing, thanks. Toot Toot. (My own horn) Haha.
rechie1984 rechie1984 21-25, F 10 Responses Jan 26, 2008

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Can I ask you something? If these people are as horrible as you describe them to be, WHY ALLOW THEM IN YOUR LIFE TO ANY DEGREE? What do you need them for? Do you honestly believe that you could count on them if you were ever in need?

I just don't understand why so many people insist on allowing their family to make them miserable. A family member is just another person. You would not allow some stranger or ever a friend act this way towards you, but for some inexplicable reason, when it is a family member, all bets are off. We think it is appropriate to allow all sorts of behavior.

I'm also confused by the fact that your mother told you it was a bad idea loaning your car to your cousin, and you got upset with her, even though you KNEW it was a bad idea! Huh? Is it possible that what you see as nagging by your mother is actually you not listening to her when she tells you something you should know?

I gotta say you have an awesome attitude and I pray you come out stronger. It is difficult dealing with family sometimes, more than sometimes it seems for you and it seems like you are taking it with a grain of salt and humor. Blessings to you.

ok...the title in itself tho >>>> i had to come read after i saw that lol...but isn't it awful? family is the WORST 1s sometimes...i gotta dilemma right now oh but it's getting handled in 2 weeks when i see that aunt of mine but u are doing well for yourself keep it up!

Good for you, managing to stick up for yourself. That is very tough to do with a family headed by manipulative women (or men, if that were the case here). And I also smiled at the phrase manipulative super-masters. Love it. I have a few of those in my life as well. But I hadn't come up with such a great name for them. :)

Wow....that was long...haha....but, I did make it through to the end....



You must be exhausted....people like you describe can drain the life out of you....You must have tapped into a few good genes, though....which, I am happy for you, for that....



You stick to your guns...they may be manipulative, but if you are consistent...they will soon learn not to pull that crap on you.....you can actually teach THEM a thing or two....Good luck.

sounds like a mess. but, i think you survived it ok. keep strong and keep going!!

I wish you luck. You sound like you have it together, and you will do well for yourself.

i plan on leaving once i have a car and enough money saved up. right now i have a full time job that pays really good, and the jobs gonna pay for my college, so i'm gonna start with that as soon as i can. and i'm gonna start saving as soon as i finish paying my parents back for my failed attempt at college last year.

My mom wasn't ever violent (thank goodness) but she dated men that abused us and never stood up for me. I don't know which is worse really! Stay strong, and try to get away from that! It's so much harder when someone that you love and trust abuses you. I wish you luck, and I hope you can find a way to get out of that.

i have a lot of problems with my mom too. not exactly like yours but she's also incredibly manipulating and loves to tell me what i'm doing wrong, and you didn't say it about your mom, so i don't know, but she is incredibly violent. unfortunately for me, i still live with her.