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Why Are Rich Family Members So Uncaring And Unhelpful?

I am not sure where to start off.  I have a very confusing family history.  I dont feel like going into detail about my past, but will say that my grandmother married my biological grandfather, had 3 children, and then got divorced.  My grandmother remarried my grandfather who I really consider my grandfather because hes the one who took on the grandfather role.

I really had any contact with my biological grandfather growing up, he would come to family events in a blue moon, and my family didn't tell me this until I was older.  So I thought my grandfather really WAS my grandfather for a very long time. 

My biological grandfather remarried, had children with his new wife, and had children who he raised, put through college, and such.  This man is a very wealthy man.  EXTREMELY wealthy. 

What bugs me is that this man really wants NOTHING to do with his children on our side of the family, besides my mother, his first child.  He talks to her on occasion and even came to visit for a few days.  I got to know him some, and took us out to dinner and stuff. 

I just get irritated when I hear all the things he does for his daughters who are already wealthy, since he put them through school, but how badly he treats the ones on our side of the family.

I am in a bit of a financial struggle and emailed him one time asking to borrow a small amount of money, and he just totally ignored me.  It really frustrates me because he says he wants to be a part of my life, but yet when I ask him for his help, he acts like Im just trying to "use" him. 

Then we come to my partner's side of the family.  My partner has a brother who is also extremely wealthy.  He started a .com business that SKYROCKETED, and the man lives in FIJI!  yes FIJI.  The man is rich.  My partner grew up with his brother, and practically raised him.  Now they got into an argument once, and his brother told him he wants nothing to do with him, the brother treats his mother like crap.  He used to send her money, and then one day just stopped.

My question is why do rich people act this way?  they want to be a part of your life, but yet god forbid you ask them for a little bit of money, its like youre asking them to buy you a house!

If I was rich, I would be very generous to my family who needs it.  It makes me sick the way people get then they have money.
Tennboy1981 Tennboy1981 26-30 10 Responses Jul 14, 2010

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i have the same problem, my parents always fight, i feel like cutting myself sometimes

After reading some comments I have to say that, although this might be the minority, I have a family member who struggled her entire life (even stole from me) and then married a man who was an "average joe" who got very lucky and was left a HUGE inheritance (over 4.5 million dollars) in addition to 3 homes, 2 vehicles and other property. My sister is a changed person, all her lifetime friends were thrown to the back burner, suddenly she has new friends, lives a lifestyle like a movie star (taking trips around the world each month) and and forgot about people like me who never turned on her like other family members have when she was poor. Now I am nothing, they are everything and it's just plain sad!

Rich people understand money and are masters of it. Having this knowledge, they realize that those without money are not masters of money and that is why they are poor in the first place. Handing money around to people without money is useless. You could give them money endlessly and it won't change their situation. They spend it... they are consumers of money. The guy didn't get rich by "consuming" money. Wealth is savings! If you cannot save money, you're always going to feel the at mercy of money. It is master of you. Rich people HATE to feel like you see their wealth as the reason for your poverty. They also resent being seen as a bank or the United Way in the family. They want to be loved for who they are, not for what they have. If you really loved them... you would not want to bring their money into the relationship at all. When you have money, all of your family talks behind your back, calls you selfish, etc. Who is really more selfish... those who consume everything they get and stick their hand out for more of what others earned? Or, those who have been very careful (good stewards) of what they do with their money, hence they become wealthy and are able to help others (and DO, as you clearly indicated in your message)? The problem is for a rich person is that if they try to supplement their family ongoing, they would never be wealthy in the first place. The family would consume everything you give them (just like they do with their own money, hence they are poor) and you can never satiate their need for more money. You are just one family member... all of his extended family is thinking just like you, guarantee it. How does he decide who to give what to? Usually it's going to boil down to him giving to those within his inner circle, those he knows have a relationship with him that was never based on his money. You're seeing him as a check. Stop it. Build your own wealth and stop coveting what others have. Read this: http://beginnersinvest.about.com/od/wealthmanagement1/ss/independence_2.htm

With wealth, comes insecurity, vain,greedy. selfish. I am thankful I am not rich else I would be miserable.

My father didn't really spend money although he had a fair amount coming in, he sold his place in the country including his tractors and such and moved by my brother. During his last couple of years, he got pretty senile. My brother, who is fairly well to do and recieved money for projects and investments through out his life from my parents aquired the title to his house, plus power of attourney and executor of the will. I am disabled also. Some how my fathers double insurance (military plus medicare) and a few weeks of nursing home care along with a two day stay at a hospital use up his savings that was somewhere north of 400 thousand dollars. He feels like he is above me because he is a "christian" (non tithing I think). I wonder if he has a harder time sleeping than I do. All I have is breathing problems and chronic pain to deal with. He has to worry about his classic car collection.

I just wrote about a family problem, and it did involve loaning money that they promised to repay. I don't know why my d- in law feels like it was her duty to inform us by saying. "You didn't really expect us to repay that money did you?" I said, "You and your husband promised that you would repay it."
I felt like it was showing favortism. So it took us 7 years to save enough money to do what I called our Equalization Plan. The other 3 also got the same amount of money. But I was hoping that they would be willing to help us by working for us once in awhile. Heck no, we're too busy.. So you see, you might think about what you could do to be helpful because old people start feeling very lonely. They usually have to go out for more meals, and they have to hire people to clean their homes. They don't want to end up in a nursing home. My Mom went into an assisted living facility, which she loved. She was the envy of a lot of the other residents because her son came evey day to help her. He also had lived with her after he retired.
I only visited several times a year, because of distance. I did clean out her apartment when she moved. My brother left a big mess. I had to pack his stuff and there was so much garbage. My Mom didn't pay me anything, but I kept the old Family Postcards from the early 1900's. She also gave me her hutch and an antique doll that belonged to my grandmother. It's clothes were hand made by my great grand mother. These wonderful things meant more than money. Family heirlooms are precious to me.
But my brother thought he was entitled to her money and he started writing loans to himself that my Mom had no knowledge of. Then he wrote my sister a postcard and told her that we were going to have to each take Mom for 6 months each because we were worthless daughters.
When I called her financial advisor, she told me the money was his because he had First Right of Survivorship. I told her that sounds like he should wait until he is a survivor. I told her my Mom is so deaf and I really doubt that she understood what she was signing. When she found out that her money was no longer in her name, she told her she wanted it in her name and they had to wait until she died and then they could split it. The reversal in the stock market made her assets decline but at least she lived comfortably for the remainder of her life.
Boshie

I too, have a wealthy family member. I have never asked her for anythig because everyone else does. Put yourself in their shoes...you would be surprized at the people that have wanted them in their lives simply because of the money they have. YES, I too would like to think that I would be generous if I had alot of money. But since I'm not I have learned to live simply,, love generously ,care deeply, and speak kindly. In the end you will be far richer .

I disagree with the previous comment. Not everyone has necessarily worked harder for their money. Often they simply had more luck or more fortunate circumstances. If familly or friends choose to not be generous to less fortunate friends and familly especially to those of are in financial difficulty then they make a conscious choice. In return they have to accept that you may chose to disconnect your relationship. Their is no good excuse for selfishness and narcos tic behavior.

Esp2 - you are incorrect about what creates wealth. It's nothing to do with luck. Wealth is built, wealth is savings. Wealth is not income. This thinking will prevent you from having your own financial security. Wealthy people cannot be wealthy by giving it all away to those who "consume" wealth. You cannot become wealthy by consuming your income. Please read this: http://beginnersinvest.about.com/od/wealthmanagement1/ss/independence_2.htm

Wealthy People want to be liked for the same reasons none wealthy people want to be liked , for who they are, not for how much they do or do not have in the bank, but,

Everyday wealthy people face other people whos intentions are not honest, they meet people full of guile and charm who want nothing more than some money ultimately.

Can you honestly say you have treated the wealthy people in your family the same as the poor members of your family ?

I don't think you have, because you see only there wealth, not their value as human beings that are related to you.

If you wrote asking your wealthy family member for money then why ? if you knew them well they would have known you needed financial help,

Do not assume anyone is obliged to help you financially because they most certainly are not.

put your energy in to building your own wealth, yes it is hard and difficult, but you will be much better off just for trying, because you will learn along the way.

And yes they possibly do want to be a part of your life, but that is not permission to be a part of Their Bank account, after all have you ever lent them money ?

Wish I had the answer. Maybe he feels really disconnected from you. You asked him for money he probably thinks she doesnt even talk to me. I dont know her. .