Blood Is Thicker Than Water

I knew something was coming, I felt it last night.

"There was a tremor in the force"

I have two younger sister's A is the youngest and L is the middle sister.
A has a 17 yr old daughter, one year ago she had a baby. The baby is darling, such a sweet little joy.
She is always happy, hardly every cries and is full of life.

My sister L has two children ages 5 and 11. Since my niece had her baby L has not allowed her kids to be around any of the family as she feels A's daughter will be a bad influence on her daughter.
A's daughter knows she has made a mistake, she realizes the responsibility that she has now had to take on and how hard it is.
Luckily my mom who is retired has taken the baby in with open arms and is doing everything she can to help take care of the baby so my niece can finish school.

L has now found herself in a hard spot, her and her husband have separated and she couldn't afford to put her two children in daycare. She asked my mom if she could take them for a while over the Summer and my mom agreed especially since we haven't seen them in a while.

L told her there is one condition that she is not to tell her kids that the baby is my nieces' daughter.

Well, my niece went over to my mom's house to see the baby, L found out about it. She called my mom and was carrying on like a raving lunatic.
L was calling my niece a ***** among other things and that was one of the more milder things she called her.

I have tried to talk to L about this before, use it as a lesson to teach your daughter, let her talk to her cousin so she can see first hand how this has changed her life in that she has had to go from a carefree kid to a mother raising a child.

L won't have any of it and last night it all seemed to come to a head. L is so afraid that my niece will corrupt her daughter and lead her down a path to wrong. What L doesn't realize is that she is doing it herself by doing the things she is.

While on the phone with my mom this morning, L's daughter asked if she will still be here for her birthday which is in August. When asked why she said "mom won't let me have a birthday party and I want to have one" to which her 5 year old brother replied "We won't tell mom if she does have a party"

My dad and I have both tried to talk to L in to geting some help, she feels there is nothing wrong and everyone needs to stay outof her business.

Southernman48 Southernman48
46-50, M
6 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Write L a letter that is well drafted and to the point, so that she does not interrupt what you need to say to her. Tell her that her children will be out in the world and come upon much worse than an unwed mother and she can not protect them from that. Better to explain to them how getting involved with the wrong person or having a baby before you are ready can ruin your life. She could sit her kids down and tell them that their cousin did not wait until she was ready to have a family and now life is hard to her. (she could tell them the babies father died if she does not know who the father is or is sure he will not show up). If L chooses to continue on this path, she will alienate her own kids.

crafted, for me that is what really hurts about this more than anything, what the kids are learning from all of this. Life isn't perfect in anyway shape or form and that is one of life's lesson's best learned early, because the fairy tale ending very rarely if at all happens. But knowing that up front allows one to navigate life much easier.<br />
L has made more than her share of mistakes in life, as have I. I have even been there a number of times to help L pick up the pieces when she has had her moments.

We have all been trying to talk some sense into her for quite a while now.<br />
My sister is convinced she is right and that is that as far as she is concerned.<br />
<br />
The hard part is her kids, they love being around family and they don't understand why they can't

oh dear ... that's a tough one. Your sister is making so many mistakes here it's hard to know where to start. It sounds like your mother is the sensible one ... perhaps she can talk some sense into her. Hugs anyway and I wish you all luck.

Thanks Dorothy,<br />
I know what you want your family to respect your right to live your live as you choose.<br />
But this is causing hurt and chaos to others.

What a mess! I am sorry that your family is having to go through that - I am sure your mother's heart is hurting (your dad's too, for that matter). My brother has had some struggles that have made him impossible to reason with - and I remember him refusing to listen to anyone about getting help, etc... Family is a tricky thing - I wouldn't want to NOT have them in my life but sometimes.... sigh!<br />
<br />
I will keep your family in my prayers - especially the children!