I Need Help, I'm So Torn Over What To Do...

Alright this is my first story and I need help big time. Bare with me, this will be a bit of a read.

So about two months ago I started dating my friend, he is older than I am. Around 20 years older. I know when people read that they will freak out and tell me to get out because all he wants me for is my body and that he just wants me so he can feel young. Trust me I've heard it ALL from my mother when she figured us out a few days ago when I was in the hospital. Before I get into that drama let me explain how I know it is nothing along those lines.

We met over a job that we both did and became great friends right then and there. We hung out more and more and slowly I realized that I was falling in love with him. He is nice, funny, smart, and just all around flipping amazing! He's nothing all that great to look at, but he is so handsome and amazing in my eyes. I tried to push the feelings back because he was married and older than me. He helped me get a second job that I was looking for and turned out I was perfect for the job. We hung out after work and before work all the time just being best friends. I could tell him anything and he could tell me anything. He was and still is able to make me laugh until my sides hurt no matter the mood I am in even if I was bawling my eyes out. One night after work, we were sitting outside like we usually do and I could tell something was on his mind. I didn't push it because if he wanted to tell me he would and he did. He told me that he was in love with me. It shocked me so much that I forgot my own feelings for him. I never thought that it could happen. We talked for a long time about it. He told me he understood if I never wanted to see him again because it freaked me out too much. I shook my head and then he kissed me. Things were good, but I knew we couldn't keep it going because he was married and I felt so awful and guilty. I tried to end it, but things were going a different way than I expected.

Turns out he and his wife were getting a divorce. It had been coming for years I guess. Lots of things had lead up to it, but one of the main things was that he hadn't seen his family in years because of her and he had been in a major depression. I had been too at least up until I met him. Before I found out about him getting divorced I tried to stop us and tell him that I couldn't do it because I felt so guilty. He did too and told me that they were separating for the reasons stated above and more. Soon after that he was living with family and I was meeting them. They accepted me and I was quickly apart of their family. I never told mine because they are very strict and I knew it wouldn't end well. I wanted to wait to know that things were serious between us even though I already knew they were.

I was soon hanging out with his family and finally being happy with how my life was going. I had a great job, an amazing, loving boyfriend, and I was actually happy. I don't remember the last time I was that happy if ever. He got his own place about three weeks after separating from his wife and his family and I helped him move in and clean it up. It's small but a great little place. I love it to death.

Around that time I started having some back issues, I figured it from being constantly at school and work and rarely any down time. But it slowly got worse, but me being the hard head I am I never told anyone. About a week ago, the pain was so bad I couldn't move and I was shaking so hard from being cold I couldn't hold anything. All I could do was lay in bed and cry. My parents heard me and walked in and knew something was wrong.

They took me to the ER at 5 am. Lots of blood tests were taken, a CAT scan, and urine were collected. Turned out I had a really bad kidney infection. When they pumped me with drugs I was able to calm down and I texted my boyfriend what was going on. Obviously he freaked out and came straight over. I told my parents he was coming to see how I was since to them he was my best friend. They shifted in their seats, and said they didn't know if he could see me. He arrived 30 minutes later and was able to come in and see me. It was probably the worst thing he could have done was just coming, but I was so happy to see him. I already felt so much better with him there. He stayed next to me, not holding my hand or anything just talking. I could see that my parents were a little uncomfortable, but I didn't care I felt better and happier that he was there.

I was released an hour later with lots of drugs to take. He and my mother helped me out to the car that my father was pulling around. He gave me a hug goodbye and told me to keep him updated. I told him I would. We drove off. When my parents got me to my room and all I wanted to do was sleep, they confronted me about him. They said that they figured it out and they were grossed out and disappointed in me for believing whatever lies he had told me. I couldn't defend us because of being so tired and shocked. They told me I was no longer allowed to work at my job because he was there and that I could no longer see or talk to him. They left and I started texting him in my dazed and upset self. He never replied or called. His family did along with people at work, but he never did. I know I shouldn't have jumped to my parents being right with him not actually wanting me, but I did and I cried harder than I ever had before. Right as I calmed down I received a call from a number I didn't recognize. I answered and it was him he was calling from his friend's phone. I burst out into tears again, so did he. It was like I hadn't heard from him in years, when it really had only been a few hours. We were able to figure out that my parents had blocked his number from my phone and never told me. Since they weren't home we talked and talked. I told him everything that they had said to me and he was shocked that they could say such awful things about him without ever talking to him.

He told me he was going to get me a phone on his plan so that we would be able to talk to each other without them knowing. I started saying no because that was too much money, but he did it anyway. He wasn't able to give it to me right away because of it being at night and my family home, but he called and texted me from it so we could at least talk.

The next day my family went to their jobs as I was ordered to be on bed rest for the next week. During lunch my mother came home and I tried to talk to her about us and she just called me a stupid child (I'm 19 by the way almost 20 and have been through a lot of adult things most kids shouldn't have to go through. Another time for those) and called him more awful names. All I could do was cry thanks to the drugs I was on. She left after, leaving me crying. She said she was sorry for making me angry and sad, but I didn't know anything about love. When she left, I called him and he came right over even though if he was caught he would be killed by my parents. I hadn't felt so happy and so sad at the same time when I saw him in my life. He gave me a hug and a kiss and then my phone. I set it down and just hugged him for the longest time while I cried and told him how much I missed him. He told me he was so worried about me and how he had missed me too. Since I had no clue when anyone was coming home, he left a few minutes after even though neither of us wanted him to.

We have been talking and texting on the phone he gave me ever since in secret. When ever I bring up my job or him with my parents they will either change the subject or say awful things and not let me have a word in. They will only talk about it if I bring it up, it is ignored other wise. I have talked about moving out for a long time even before I met him. He has offered me to move into his place as he has since he got it. His family and a couple of our friends have offered for me to move in as well.

So now that I have gotten everyone up to date, here is my dilemma: I want to move out. Even before I met my boyfriend, I had been looking at places because my family and I have been clashing and I haven't been allowed to do things I have wanted that would get me ahead in life. Now that they have not allowed me to talk to my boyfriend and made me think that he had stopped talking to me after I became sick, it has pushed it to the breaking point. What makes me really upset is the fact that they won't talk about anything or let me have a say. I'm almost 20! I should have more freedom than an eight year old. I so want to move out, but at the same time I am afraid. I love my family to death and I value their opinion on things that they know the whole story to, but this whole situation is not working out. I am more miserable than before. The only thing that is keeping me going is my boyfriend and his family and our friends. Everyone is telling me that my family is handling this whole thing horribly. I haven't run into one person yet that says we are wrong with our love. Not a single one, at least until I met my family. So do I move out with my boyfriend, or one of my other friends? Or do I stay and try to work things out? I wouldn't plan on moving out until after the New Year, but I need help and advice on what I should do. I need advice and help badly before I go back into a darker place. Please, please help!
afraidofdecisions afraidofdecisions
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

At 18+ you're an adult, and can make your own decisions. Your parents can't prevent you from doing anything (except maybe living in their house, but that's pretty extreme).

However, a 20-year age gap is pretty large, especially at your age. Even if the guy's sincere and not just in it for the fun of having a 19-year old girlfriend. Look at it this way, if you stay with him, by the time you're 40, he'll be over 60! Is that what you want?

As I always tell my kids, the good news about being an adult is you get to make your own decisions - the bad news is, you have to live with the results of those decisions. If you really can't stand living with your family, and you can afford to move out, moving in with friends might be the better option.

hey, i barely read the start of all that, but i get the jist of it. Firstly if you 2 are serious about each other and youve spoken about moving in then OK. Nxt tell your parents your old enough to make your own decisions but reassure them that theyre still ur parents. theire prob scared an older man is taking you away, they may think youve been groomed who knows. but age is a number as i say if i new maths then age would be an issue aha. anyway, tell them that you dont want to cut them out urelife and u respect them for looking out for you and raising you, and tell them theyve raised you well enough to know not to be mistreated. basically just go on about how gd parents they are, the more you put the attention on them then the less its on u( its not manipulative its using brains aha) gdluck for the future hope u both work out well x