Written on December 8th, 2012
I got sick when I was 19 years old. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I'm in constant pain and depression and all I get from my family is it's all in your head. When I was working everybody loved me. I was always surrounded by my family and friends. Now that I need help no one is around. The only two people that helps me or show that they care is my youngest daughter and my little granddaughter. My granddaughter prays for me all the time and ask God to heal me. When I turned 25 I was diagnosed with another muscle disease-Polymyositis. I continued to work the best I could but finally I had to go on disability. That in itself was a struggle. I have a hard time cleaning the house,doing laundry,cooking pretty much everything. I'm in pain all day and night long. Pain so bad that it's hard to breathe. I ended up have two small strokes and no one in my family came to my aid. After the strokes I started having partial complex seizures. Still no one cared with the exception of my youngest daughter and 5 year old grand daughter. It's so not fair. I was there to help so many different family members with their illnesses or family problems. When I was working I was there with my checkbook and now I can't afford to help anyone. One would think that your family and friends would be there for you in your time of need. My depression is out of control. All I do is cry all day. Crying for the lost of my friendships and for the love of my family. They make me feel like nothing.I mean if someone has a cold they make a big deal of it and talk about how it's a shame they are so sick. Meanwhile I'm having seizures and pain so bad that it feels like it's going to rip me in half and they are bemoaning a damn cold. I have been dealing with all this for so long that it really don't matter now if my family and friends care. It's like I'm not even there. Who is this person that has all these problems, oh she is just another blight on the earth. Only Jesus and I know how deep my despair is and how much I have to deal with day to day. If it wasn't for Jesus I would have tried to kill myself again. I know HE loves me and he is rooting me on in this life until it's time for HIM to call me Home. I just wish I didn't have to run this race mostly alone. What makes me so unlovable.