I Used To Be Incontinent

When I was a child, I was molested in my sleep every night. I was unaware of the abuse because I was taking strong sleeping medications which my abuser put me on. Along with various other negative side affects- including weight gain, stress eating, inappropriate sexual knowledge, sexual fetishes- I also became incontinent.
Many of you may not know this, but, if you are molested for a long period of time, you subconscious will order your body to turn incontinence to disgust and scare away your abuser. This is what happened to me. I would accidentally **** myself because the urge to urinate came on to quick, strong, and suddenly that I couldn't move, I would wet the bed at night, I would even mess myself with no forewarning that it was about to happen. At the time I had no idea what incontinence was. I thought I was just a complete and utter imbecile. I thought it was all my fault. People would look at me with complete disgust and contempt in their eyes when they knew. I hated myself, I was ashamed to be alive. And my weight gain and lack of social skills because of my problems only added to my immense misery and torture.
This all worked out for my abuser because I was isolated, ashamed, and vulnerable just like he wanted. He abused me for fourteen years and then sent me to a facility known as an RTF, where my suffering only got worse. I was abused there as well and everybody there knew about my problem and would ridicule and hate me for it. These so called 'trained professionals' couldn't figure out that I was being molested and if they did, they didn't care.
The first man I fell in love with thought me a grotesque waste of space. I had no one who loved me.
But, the accidents stopped shortly after arriving because the sexual abuse was staunched. I had gained confidence and control, and I lost over 60 pounds of fat off my body.
When I finally got out of that hellhole, I was a new and improved young woman, no longer the scared little girl I had been a year before.
I then had to go through more torment in my household until I was finally rescued by the only person near and dear to me. I live with him now. And I now have full control over my bladder, my body, my mind, and most importantly myself.
I feel such empathy for people that are stuck with incontinence for their entire lives. I feel so bad for all of you, to have to live in shame of something that isn't your fault, that you have no control over.
But, I encourage you to still try to live your lives, no matter how difficult it may be.
**** the people that shy away and judge you for it, go out and find the people that will accept you and love you for you and only you.
That is my advice to you. :)
CharredAnarchie CharredAnarchie
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

You are wise beyond your years. Horrific experiences such as you endured are criminal and should be prosecuted. However, it is a measure of your core strength that you've risen above that dark history and become your real self. Good for you

Thank you very much. :)

I am sorry to hear you went through all that. No human being should ever have to go through that, but that is wonderful advice. I am incontinent because of a physical disability I was born with and it has been both a curse and a blessing over the years for several reasons. Thank you for your thoughts on this.