The Past 5 Or 6 Years

They haven't exactly been hell but they havent been great either. About 6 years ago, I met a girl and we quickly became best friends. We developed feelings for each other and admitted it yet never acted, she was afraid it would damage our relationship. We would see other people but in the back of my mind she was always there, beautiful and happy, the amazing girl I always knew. We had arguements because girlfriends I had didnt like how close my friend and I were and would try to break up the friendship. Being the stupid young naive boy I was, Id side with the girlfriend, not wanting to be alone. I nearly lost her twice because of numerous girls. Now we are both with somebody we love, I dont like her boyfriend for reasons and she isnt too fond of my girlfriend. About a month ago, we were talking about the past and the issue of our feelings for each other came up. A while into the convo, she asked "if my boyfriend and your girlfriend werent there, what would happen?" and I simply answered "some things are  better left not said". Recently she came to my flat as we hadnt seen each other since I started university 6 months ago. We has a few cans of cider, listened to a lot of sad music (no idea why lol) and generally had fun like we used to. Then she asked what I was thinking about.

I told her it didnt matter, it was unimportant and she should forget it. She managed to get all my feelings out of me and I told her Id felt like this for a long time. She then asked "if something happened and nobody found out, would it be ok?" I said something and she leant in and kissed me. It was perfect as Id always imagined. She paniced afterward, worried her boyfriend would find out but I assured her he wouldnt, it was ok. Now she denies I even told her about my feelings and if it even so much as looks like the topic is going to come up, she changes topic. I just want to know what she feels, why would she kiss me if afterwards she would only panic? Im confused...

Anavrin1990 Anavrin1990
18-21
1 Response Feb 15, 2009

Don't worry brother she is just as confused as you are. If its meant to happen, it will happen. Let the chips fall where they may.