Why Do I Still Care..?

Alright a year later... and there is someone knew. I never thought I would get over my ex, and then he came along. He was sweet, funny,flirty and the perfect summer romance... but then it turned into more than just a summer fling... we fell in love.. or at least I did. We were completely different people, he enjoyed sexual activity while I have been waiting for the right person. As the summer progressed, it started to get a little worse... just like most relationships these days it consists of more than two people. There is the couple, the boy and girl, of course the "ex" and then the "tramp". In my case they happened to be the same person, she came back into the picture because I was not satisfying his needs I guess. Long story short I could not handle that anymore and the house hold I was living in was not working, so I ended up moving. As usual I was not present in his life anymore, no more rides, back rubs, doing pretty much whatever he asked as I bend over backwards only to get told non of it is good enough. Well as soon as I left he got back with her, they fooled around and she went back to being the reason he left her in the first place. Then I get the text " I miss you" and being a girl I believed it and forgave him. I was going to visit him about 3 months after that.. we stayed in touch and he told me everything I wanted to hear. When I finally got to see him it was amazing and felt so real. Then it started crashing... I am starting to think he just wanted me for his lower regions. My vacation ended but I was returning the next month for Christmas, during that time... he fell of the face of the Earth. We didn't talk at all, he was with every girl he could and pretended like I didn't exist. When I finally got the nerve to talk to him asking why he hasn't spoke to me he replied with " I don't know what to say, we have so many new experiences" so basically he didn't love me. I found out about three days before my return that he had been trash talking me to mutual friends of ours. I told myself I was going to not see him when I was there because it would only make things worse... and it did. Being a normal guy he told me everything I wanted to hear so he could get what he wanted. The next day he claims everything was a mistake but he still "loves me very much" ugh... well I guess I learned my lesson. He was going on vacation, during break from school. My birthday was a couple days after Christmas, I waited all day and nothing from him... but then five days later I get a text about a song name. Really? I know I can do better and I don't deserve this but why do I care? why do I still have feelings for him? He is the one who hurts me but is also the one I want to run to when I am hurt. It is so frustrating, I just don't know I do this to myself nor know how to not. Sometimes I wonder if I did have sex if any of my past ex's would still be with me.
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18-21, F
Jan 6, 2013