I Felt So Bad..

I have feelings for somebody I shouldn't. Well, it's not that bad now that I have broken up with the boyfriend, but it was pretty bad. I must admit I feel terrible about this. But what can I do? It's my heart. It only wants what it wants. I can't stop it, couldn't stop it at the time and can't fight it now. I am in love with my best guy friend. And he feels exactly the same way.

We only confessed our feelings to each other a few weeks ago. I have never been more relieved in my whole life to hear the words come out of his mouth. To be quite honest, I've never loved anyone like I love him. I've never felt this before, not even with the guy who was my boyfriend. I broke up with him soon after me and my friend confessed our feelings to each other. I felt really bad. I do, because truth be told I never even liked him for a minute. It wasn't him I liked, it was the feeling I got being with someone. When we kissed, I'd just close my eyes tight and imagine kissing my best friend to get it over with. It was horrible and I hated doing it, but I have trouble saying no to people and hurting their feelings. For me it hurts to hurt others, so when my ex begged me to go out with him, I agreed; even though I din't like him but rather just felt sorry for him.

I knew the moment me and my best friend started talking that there was something there between us. This was before I started going out with my ex. Love at first sight for both of us. Definitely. He's just so amazing. I couldn't tell him how I felt because I though, how could a guy like him go out with a girl like me? So I hid my feelings and went out with the ex. It was terrible and I hated lying.

My friend confessed then and I realised this was so wrong, to have feelings for someone else - and strong feelings at that all through the relationship just shouldn't happen. So I broke up with him. And I told my friend I felt the same way. It was so nice to finally be honest with him and even myself.

Yet, even though we both like each other and nothing should stop us going out now, I have just left one love triangle and entered another one. My best friend has liked this guy for ages so I don't want to hurt her feelings and rush into anything. But our feelings are so strong for each other and I know deep down in my heart, I am meant to be with him. Absolutely love at first sight and nothing can keep us apart.
LittleMissDimples LittleMissDimples
18-21, F
Jan 12, 2013