The 'short' Version...

Hey there, my name is Becky, and if you want to know more than what I am about to share, I wrote on my blog tonight about who I am, what I live with.. how.. etc. Much more in depth.
Short version (compared to my blog)
I was diagnosed at 30 after almost 20 years of insomnia, and thinking it was just me being an Army wife, being busy, being hyper, you name it. At 28, I divorced and came home to Cali, and went to college, since I needed to support two sons and was a high school dropout. I was busting my butt, working two jobs, competing on the debate team around the state and nationally, had an insane high GPA, and was still raising two kids.. so I thought well YEAH I am going to hurt and be tired all the time. Then life started slowing down, but the pain and the insomnia got worse and worse progressively. Short version is, by 31 I have Fibro, Osteoarthritis, and that is in addition to having had asthma all my life, and being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I was told I could have no more kids, no biggie, I had two, and my on/off bf didn't want any. Two years later, just about four months after they started me on morphine so I could continue to work, I found out I was pregnant. Between the pregnancy, and the drama surrounding it, my amazing FNP says that two years did about twenty years worth of damage. We also found out after he was born and they had to put me back on meds (I cold turkey offed on the morphine the day I found out I was pregnant) that I had an additional problem. My body processed medications so quickly that my brain never even knows I've taken them. Due to that, I struggle non-stop with meds, it is a constant battle, and luckily, my FNP is a psychopharmacologist. It means she is an expert in how medications affect the brain and body, but mostly the brain. We found out a couple years ago that I now have degenerative disc disease, and narrowing of my spinal cord in my neck, and figured out that it was due to the medications given to me all my life for asthma. This past six months, it's accelerated, and now, I have heart problems as well as in the past few months, developing gastroparesis, which is the paralyzing of your stomach, stopping it from digesting and allowing what is in there to rot in your stomach. It's a direct result of the meds, and the illnesses. I still don't sleep well, usually staying up for days, and then FINALLY my body is so exhausted it goes down for a 5 to 8 hr span. So, according to her, my body is never getting to repair even the normal cellular damage, much less the much larger damage from the multiple challenges.
I wish I had better advice to give everyone, but, one thing I have learned, because we ALL know depression comes along with any of these things, is that I have to make the effort to see the blessings around me, because I AM blessed, and cursed. Even then, that beast of depression sometimes still sinks his teeth in pretty deep, and it's a total struggle to even want to come out. I no longer clean my house on a regular basis, hell, I have to have help to shower, so even that is an issue. My fiance is AMAZING but works major hours to support me and my two eldest sons. I have given custody to my ex of my youngest, because I cannot meet his needs in this state, and we work hard to provide him all the stability we can. I feel like not just my life is being taken from me, but that I MYSELF am being taken... sometimes, I don't know what to do with any of it, and it's looking like this is going to be one of those days....
Anyway, feel free to read my blog if you want to know more in depth about me, and what I am saying.... I just thought it was time to share my own story with the group. Many blessings, and positive thoughts to all of you..
MysticMomma MysticMomma
36-40, F
May 21, 2012