Some Times I Wonder If Life Is Worth It...

I believe I have had fibro for about 15 to 20 years, I had a very rare condition called Cushings and after they finally figured that out and did emergency operation, I did get better from that but have only gotten worse in every other way. I to used to play baseball for 3 different teams and walked 5 miles a day and played tennis. Now I am lucky if I can do dishes or even get out of bed. Some people have said they believe stress makes it worse and I have had so much of that. My son comitted suicide at the age of 16 10 years ago. I am the one that found him and have lived with the nightmares since. My daughter hs also had a hard time of it and has turned to cutting herself.

The pain I live with everyday is so hard to understand and know one else sees it on the outside so they don't believe or understand it either. I have been very lucky that my husband does see how much pain I am in and that he believes me. One of the symptoms I am having trouble with is that I am cold, cold to my very core but at the same time I am hot and sweating to the point that I chaange clothes sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. My body no matter where it is touched is cold like there is no circulation. My problem is no one seems to have quite this same symptoms that I have been able to find.

I have ended up in the hospital 3 times in the last 4 months because I am so cold I am about to lose my mind. the part with the cold and sweaating only seems to have started after a very severe bout of the flu at the and of June.

I have gotten to the point where I am very depressed all the time now, I am so sick of being sick and hurting. Is this what I have to look forwrd to for the next 30 years or more.

I also suffer from Restless Leg and that to has now gone up into my arms.Severe headaches all the time pain and weakness.

I am on 12 mg hydromorph contin at night and 10 mg oxycodone break when needed 40 mg cytelapram and Metformin 1000

The pain dr has told me I can take the 12 hydromorph twice day but I am so scared already taking what I am that I backed down and only take it at night mainly for my RLS.

Please can anyone let me know if they have dealt with the cold with this, they can't find anything wrong with me and have now said it is all in my head and I spent the day crying yesterday feeling like such a failure

Shelley
shadowmama shadowmama
46-50
1 Response Dec 5, 2012

I believe you Shelley. It seems that the body can only tolerate acute pain and medicine only treats that kind of pain. When the body is unable to heal itself in a short amount of time like a few weeks, then it begins a process that you and I experience. Pain comes and stays forever. It's like our bodies are stuck in pain mode. Doctor's usually have a big ego. I have yet to here from one of them that we made a mistake or very few have told me that there is nothing that can be done. So, don't take it as a personal insult when a medical professional tells you that it's all in your head. It's not. It's in every cell of your body. Your mind is supposed to be concerned, because pain affects everything about you. It's pretty dam important.

I am currently 31 and have had chronic pain for about ten years. I am not going to live another twenty or more years like this. I have decided to end my life. It's not an easy decision, but I don't think this world needs anymore mean people. That's what I have become a bitter mean person. I don't look forward to anything. My life revolves around pain. I don't think this is anyway to live your life. I would rather take my chances in the after life, which I think there is. Anyways, if you find that pain runs your life, I would try to change your mindset. However, I know how hard it is to just ignore the pain. So, I can understand not being able to bear all of it. Ultimately, you have to come up with a game plan to deal with your situation and stick to it. My game plan used to be to outrun the pain with working out all the time and it worked out well. However, with the last couple surgeries, that has been taken away from me, so it's time to decide on a new plan.

Anyways, I hope that you can have some peace of mind in your life despite the physical problems that permeate your days.

Frank

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Frank do not go this way, You need to talk I will be here