Just woke up in pain, like every other morning. I make a cup of coffee and reach for my five bottles of pills...once they kick in, I'll be able to move some more. As I wait, my muscles ache, my head is cloudy, my nerves (thanks to neuropathy) are sending me electric shocks and pulses that make my body twitch. It's almost the worst 15-20 minutes of the day.
{I have fibromyalgia, neuropathy, pinched nerves, bulging discs, degenerative disc disease, and some other fun things that accompany all these diagnoses. I am 33 years old.}

I need to get myself together & get to work. I work 9 hrs a day, since that's the only way I can support my family. Working through the pain leaves me exhausted when I come home, wishing I could be the active, energetic mom I was this time last year. My kids don't deserve this. If I could, I'd stay home so they could get my good hours rather than give them to a thankless job. But unfortunately, that's just not possible.

I do the best I can to still 'live' despite all this pain. It's a struggle sometimes, but my whole life has been, so I guess this is just a daily expression and reminder of just how strong I really am.

Hoping for a pleasant day at work... :)
michelle0808 michelle0808
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 19, 2014

I've had fibro for 15 years only diagnosed a few years ago and can relate to the pain, sadly dont get to the stage where I can leave the house often. Took up Tai chi and recently and its made the pains flair ups so bad cannot focus on anything but the pain and had migrains for days now (which is normal to me) but impossible to live with. How you get through a day at work is beyond me,, wne I'm active more than a few hours I black out and wake up hours later on a floor somewhere. What meds do you take for your FM Michelle0808
*gentle hugs*

I often feel a disconnect between mind and body. There are so many things I want to do... For myself, my husband, my daughter. I rarely have the energy. When I do have the energy to exert myself, I pay for it the following few days. For Fs sake, I get sore after shaving! And _____ forbid I get stuck in traffic driving to school, then my legs are sore from engaging the clutch. I am usually sore after class from sitting still(ish) for a couple hours.
The fibro brings out the worst in me, undoubtedly. It's been 5 years.
It's not an option for me at this time, but look up Ketamine Coma. Promising treatment on the horizon.

You r so strong!

I feel your pain. I quit working because I couldn't handle being on my feet. I have fibromyalgia, degenerated discs, narrowing discs, bone rubbing bone in my right hip, low scale lupus. I haven't had money since march of this year. I lost my car. My landlord is patient about the rent, thank the Lord. I'm waiting for disability to go through. I tell you what, I would prefer to be healthy and working than deal with all this pain on a daily basis.

Sounds like we share some common maladies; that makes me happy & sad all at the same time.
That is my constant worry, carlams: that I won't be able to hang in much longer & we'll really lose everything. Although I make it in the door to work, I'm not very productive. Another worry: getting fired.

I pray your disability comes through and fast! You are very fortunate your landlord is patient. I know mine probably wouldn't be. (Another worry if, god forbid, I end up out of work.)

May I ask how long you were able to work after your pain began?

I thank you very much for reaching out. It feels so good to know someone understands.

I thought maybe I had it 14 years ago but the drs I had didn't support it. It really started being more active in august of last year. My feet began to burn, especially my heels. I talked to my dr about it and I felt he wasn't concerned. I went to a pain specialist in august of my own will. They took xrays of my lower back and hips. I knew I had bone on bone in my hip but not about the degeneration or narrowin of discs. Several times I complained about my feet. I was tested for diabetes 3 times. I was so miserable all winter and scared. I didn't know what was happening to me and had several drs not giving me answers. I thought it was from being on my feet so much. I kept praying, "God please don't let me have my feet cut off". Then January my nlood pressure was 93/87. The drs didn't say anything. In February it was 68/76. Still the drs didn't say anything. I quit my job in February. I just couldn't handle any more of the pain. March I filed for disability. April one of the drs told me I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year in October. Then he doubled my blood pressure medication. I was so hurt and angry that they never told me about it. I felt so neglected. I switched drs a couple of weeks later. I was put on gabapentin. Then a series of blood tests were done. Positive for lupus but the numbers are low. Anti Smith arthritis but the numbes are low. I saw a rheumatologist last week and he prescribed cymbalta and doubled my gabapentin. I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep in touch. I find talking helps, especially when I just want to give up.

Did u get disability? I'm filing

Not yet. Going thru an appeal.

Don't quote me on it, but if you bring in your Rx and share your diagnosis with your supervisor, it supposedly makes it far more difficult for them to fire you as you are then protected against discrimination. I was told this my my supervisor when I had to let an employee go due to attendance. It's just the looming threat of a lawsuit.
I am very fortunate to not be working right now. I'm a full-time grad student, so my FA refund covers living expenses for now. Upon graduation/licensure/employment, I plan to pay back my loans on the income based plan. This will likely blow up in my face, but it makes my current situation manageable.
In the last 5 years, I have worked from home and attended school online. Works well for the fibro but getting out of the habit of interacting with the real world manifested in some serious mental issues, I.e, social anxiety, avoidance, isolation, and pretty much became a very bad habit that was difficult to break.

Wow, that sounds like a whirlwind of confusion, carlams! Your blood pressure would've been of concern to me, like red flag here! 🚩🚨

I really do think there's a cure out there; I hope we get it soon!

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