Flashback

Ever since very early childhood there are thing I could remember but was unsure why.  I can remember words being said which I understood what they meant but it was too much of an effort to reply.

Then there was this strange feeling that would come over me, a memory that I could not express because I was younger than three.  I remember looking out at an object built in the yard and wondering if I was placed on it at some time.  There was a very warm sensation and a cushy feeling as I look at the object but not sure what the feelings were.

I experienced those flashbacks over and over again during infancy but kept telling myself one day I would be able to remember where I was.  When it happened I would close my eyes and try to remember.  Closing my eyes made the flashback last a little longer.  One day when I was about 8 years old I asked my sister if she ever get the feeling and I tried to describe it.  She looked at me and said "you're weird"  I never asked anyone about that again. l

One day when I was about 18 years old the feeling and warm sensation lasted the longest I have ever had it.   I held on to it for over five minutes.  It no longer felt like a flashback but like I was actually experiencing it again.

One day the feeling of knowing came to me strongly.  I had given birth to my first son and one day while holding him I closed my eyes and the feeling came over me.  Only this time I knew exactly where I was.

I do not get those sensations anymore but I can remember then quite clearly.  My last son is now 18 years old and I did not have the flashback during those years after his birth.

I always wonder how many people  have that experience and have not yet realized where they were that is causing the memory or flashback.  I know there are others but are they still experiencing flashbacks or do they now have a memory as I do?

sparkleaustin sparkleaustin
41-45, F
Feb 9, 2010