Motivating A Wallflower To Action: A Snarky Saga

I was thrilled to find this group, I have found my people :)

Perhaps the most introverted of introverts, I am a fabled hermit like INFJ. Bookish but adventurous, I spend my time pouring over manuscripts, articles, horse back riding, and kayaking down mountains. Perhaps as independent as they come, I am a very content individual and exactly where I want to be in my life: successful and solitary. Ergo dating and my hormones have retreated to the darkest attic closets of my mind. I've got things to do, places to be, money to make, and generally my opinion is I can't be bothered. In fact, I haven't really dated or been intimate in years.

So it surprises me, as I go about my day living my life, people find me 'attractive.' I go out of my way to come off as invisible and under the radar, but I guess wallflowers are trendy these days. Recently I've had several good friends air out their feelings for me like some laundry, all of which has racked me with stress for the last few months. I hate causing the people I care about any amount of pain, rejection included. As I've gone through the list, rationalizing and analyzing the dating hopefuls and why things wouldn't work if anything was pursued, I have come to one very dear friend that I can't seem to close the book on.

This one friend petitioned me with his feelings a few months ago, and I (despite be warned by his whole family) apologetically stammered that I was shocked, and incapable of being intimate or emotionally involved with any one at this present time in my life. In the years I've known this friend, he's existed in my mind as this essentially genderless human being. Someone I was neither attracted to nor unattracted to, just sincerely enjoyed his company. However, since he made his feelings known to me, the dynamics have changed and I'm not sure how to process them.

It kind of first started last year, when I heard my friend dated or hooked up with some mysterious girl, through his family. I noticed an unfamiliar pang in my stomach and my left eye twitched a little. Oh, hello jealously, where have you been?

Well things with the mysterious woman went no where fast, some undisclosed amount of time passed by. After this friend propositioned me with his interest, as I went about my day doing anything from the adventurous to the mundane, I often found myself pausing wishing for this friend's company. Crap. I thought. I miss him.

Recently he was involved in a semi dangerous activity. Nothing terrible. But when he was 45 minutes late and no sign of my friend, I became worried. Double crap. Now I'm worrying about him. He eventually turned up, and well.. was a little smug to see that he had elicited some reaction out of me. Clearly my poker face is flawed now.

With these two deductions ...and several ******* sexy dreams.. I'm beginning to put my pride aside and admit to myself that I like this guy. While several reasons hold me back (I'm currently employed with his family, I'm best friends with his sister, ...oh and his mother calls me her 'long lost daughter.') I don't think I could look this guy in the eye and completely reject him either.

The past two months have been a sitcom worthy hilarious limbo state. I struggle with myself not to text this guy ...every day. Our familiar pattern of hanging out once a week has escalated to every two or three days, and this has not gone unnoticed by my male friend. Hanging out is no problem, we're great 'do-ers' with a lot of energy to burn and snarky one line zingers to throw around. It's at night hanging out on the couch that I feel like my brain is about to boil over. I'm a no contact person, and I get that vibe from him as well... but months of doing this a few nights a week an elbow length apart is finally starting to wear on me. Are we playing romantic chicken here? Do I need to be the one to take action? Does he even still like me? If he still does, why!?

Remember how introverted I claimed to be before? Sure I'll go repelling down a mountain, but I would honestly rather take a bullet in my foot that instigate the first move romantically. Often, when I find us on the couch in those awkward moments with tension you could cut with a butter knife, I begin to list in my head things I would rather have done to me rather than jumping on this guy and making myself even slightly vulnerable. Chinese water torture, slow moving car collisions, and earthquakes rank up there. I begin bartering with god. On the other hand, ... I am afraid I'm going to fly off the deep end of the handle one day and pounce on this guy in the middle of Breaking Bad or TLC's Cake Boss. Coming from one who is constantly asking questions, this 'not knowing' thing is driving me bananas. Any tips Ladies? Support and stories are greatly appreciated.
FewWords FewWords
22-25, F
4 Responses Jan 8, 2013

You silly girl, you are so obviously in love with this guy, and it sounds as though he has very strong feelings for you. Even his mother realises you are right for each other! You are just scared of stepping into the unknown. Sounds like Sheldon and Amy off Big Bang! If you don't instigate something you will regret it in the future, I can guarantee that. Maybe some Dutch courage would help next time you are on your own with him.

Wow I cannot believe how much I related to you're introverted yet wildly adventurous personality. That's so me! One thing though, I did find mr green monster sneaking into the back of my mind when reading about your several friendships with males. That is something I have not been able to achieve yet in my 18 years of life. The male species is such a mystery and quite frightening in all honesty. But one thing I do know about love from my Christian faith is that in order for any relationship to flourish you have to make yourself even the slightest but vulnerable. And yeah I know that's scary. What if you just frankly laid your cards on the table and told him that you're attracted to him as more than just friends?. I'm sure he would recognise that as your move and begin to unfold more of his undying love for you. Thanks for sharing your experience.

hope you get over your fears,,and do what your heart and is telling you,,,

I'm not female, however i found this so interesting to read. I relate to this in the sense of embracing one's vulnerability and seeing where it takes you :)