Re-united: My Twin Flame Story

I thought it was going to be a normal date. My next door neighbor in the Southern California beach town apartment complex and I decided to take an overnight trip to the desert springs a couple of hours north of us.


She seemed kind of shy but very sweet and demure. Instead of the normal discomfort that often accompanies first dates I felt quite comfortable with her and we were chatting and laughing on our way to our relaxing destination. We arrived without a hitch and checked in. From now on in order to keep her identity confidential I’ll refer to her as “Nancy”.


As the day went on I began to realize that she was an introverted person. She kept a pad with her and often jotted notes or made little pictures on it. She said that she was an artist but that she worked for her parents in some capacity with the computer. For some reason I couldn’t help but feel that she was either very shy, or was keeping something from me. She seemed almost troubled, and because it was like a date, I couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with me. I have to admit I was enchanted with her quietude and her secret renderings.


When we went outside to the pools she seemed to want to scurry through the crowd to a safe place, as if she didn’t want to be seen. She was very petite and with her sun hat, shades and little bikini she made a very cute picture. We went and found a place to soak. By night time the crowd had dwindled and we had a small pool to ourselves. Under the desert stars the mood became very romantic and with a minimum of awkwardness I was inspired to give her a kiss, which she reciprocated. The serenity and beauty of the wide open desert sky and warm air and mineral pools was very nice and we frolicked in the pools for a while enjoying the place.

There was a shallower pool there that had cold water in it. I pretended to chase her through it but was surprised that she suddenly became genuinely frightened. I was only playing and wondered at that but thought perhaps she was just playing along.


We went back to our room after dinner and it was time to go to bed. It was very innocent. We kissed each other and she said “I can’t sleep with you”. I got the message and kissed her a few more times and rolled over to go to sleep. We spent the night sleeping quite peacefully and comfortably in each others arms. This was something that occurred to me was peculiar for a first date with someone.


In the morning she was still asleep so I slipped out to go to the drive through to grab some breakfast burritos. Some guy was outside by the car and stopped me telling me a sob story about how his dog was sick and he needed some money to get something for him. I got into talking to him not wanting to be rude and I gave him some money for his dog. It meant I needed to stop at the ATM now, so I lost 15 minutes talking to him and another 5 having to stop at the ATM. By the time I got back with breakfast she was up and dressed and not hungry. She said to me “nine out of ten isn’t bad” and then asked if we could go soon. That was confusing, but not being one to want to hold anyone captive I agreed and we checked out and were soon on our way home. You don’t know how many times I wished I hadn’t stopped to help that guy with his dog.

Almost the entire time she seemed preoccupied about something that later became clearly apparent.


I suddenly realized I must have feelings for the girl because I found myself getting very upset. She didn’t want to elaborate on why she wanted to leave so early. I was frustrated and drove 80 most of the way. How did I fall for someone so fast? Why was it so painful?

We returned to our building and went to our respective apartments which I will remind you were right next door to each other.

Gradually a drama began to unfold. The girl began to tell me the truth about what was going on. A young man in the complex had been harassing her and coercing her into beginning to do *********** with him. There was a sort of Cult aspect to it because the apartment manager was using LSD among other drugs with several tenants in the building (she had a joint in the ashtray when I first came to view the apartment).


The apartment manager had been associating closely with the young man and N. This woman was very well practiced at her art. She knew how to manipulate people, had a disdain for me because I was handsome and youthful.  She had wasted her youth with drugs and a series of failed marriages. In the Hindu religious story of the Ramayana it talks about a race of beings called Rakshasas who are like demonic beings that like to feed on the blood of innocent or virtuous people. I never understood what this meant or what all the vampire tales meant and why they are so popular. There is truth to both of these. We as human beings have physical blood but there also is our spiritual essence that is like light or as blood is to our physical body. 


That is what the Rakshasas or in another vein (no pun intended) what we might term “Vampires” feed upon. They use sorcery which is really just spiritual principles used negatively, to leech off of the spirits of other people. Just as different people have varying degree of different abilities let's say intelligence for example, there are also people with greater ability and awareness of occult knowledge.  I had never met someone who was so adept at Black Magic and sorcery as this woman was. She was very practiced at violating people and then when they tried to defend themselves either on the physical level by confronting her or on the spiritual level by prayer or protecting themselves with light she would just feed off it. She is a true master of this art. She found a field day when she sunk her talons into Nancy and through Nancy I.


This resident manager had been encouraging them into doing the *********** and using drugs with the promise of making some money. I’d guess that the sex and the money were not a deterrent to N, but the other aspects of the situation are what make it so ghastly. She was enticing them by teaching those things about the occult, but she was really using them. There was an aspect of Black Magic to the whole scenario. I never had felt so affected by other people's energies before and having studied Religious studies at SDSU and my own personal spiritual studies I always considered myself protected and never gave it much of a thought. This apartment manager seemed to know things that I didn't understand and even while still living in the building I felt my energy being drained and somehow spiritually attacked by something unseen. Especially with my Masters in Psychology I knew this was definitely out of the ordinary.


After we returned from our “date” it seems things took a turn for the worse for her. Suddenly she seldom left her apartment, often had her shades completely drawn. I was home most of the time planning to open my own business, and it was not hard to tell that she didn’t leave the house. Naturally I was concerned for her and sometimes would leave some food or some fruit outside of her door, for I thought she must get hungry sometimes and it seemed she never went out even to the store for food. Something else that was strange and amazing occurred that merits mention.


I had been doing yoga and meditation for years and was accustomed to doing a daily practice. Often I would sit in the tub and meditate. Not accustomed to having lots of visions or that sort of thing one day I was surprised to witness the following: I suddenly saw myself in a chariot with a woman, we were in ancient Egypt, there were throngs of people in a glorious mood cheering and yelling, and I heard a voice say “You glorified God for all to see” and then the vision ended. How strange I thought, it seemed so real. The woman reminded me of Nancy. Within a week or so I was sitting on my bed next to the common wall she and I shared and I was in a meditative state. Strange as it may sound, because we couldn’t be together we would often sit next to the wall to feel the comfort of each other’s energy. In this particular instance, I felt our energies join together like two snakes wrapping around each other and an ecstasy enveloped me and I beheld a vision like we were standing before God and a voice said “These two shall never part”. It was like a marriage had occurred. I was completely in awe but I leave out other details out of respect for the sanctity of the experience.   Several times before this I sat there feeling wave after wave of love between us that felt like it was just emptying out my storehouse of  pain and cleansing my heart. 


One might imagine my confusion and disappointment. Any time I tried to knock on the door she would not answer it. She told me she was in the grip of a terrible fear. I thought she was just saying that because she wanted to make money with the ***********. But she would tell me that she was so afraid that she couldn’t open the door.


She began to communicate with me more and more via telepathy. Strangely enough this was the only way she felt comfortable to get the message to me. I could hear her voice in my head as if we were having a conversation; she was able to hear me too. She began to tell me how the young man had threatened her, beat her, raped her and tried to stop her from talking to me. She said that he had put a gun to her head and told her that if she talked to me that he would kill me. She said she didn’t know what to do. I was infuriated, I walked down to his apartment and banged on the iron screen door (all the apartments had them because we were near the beach) and demanded that he come out to speak with me. He didn’t come to the door. Instead, I received a warning from the same Resident apartment manager telling me that I had frightened other tenants in the building and that if it continued I would be asked to move.


To make matters worse, the young man and the Resident manager were increasing the number of "shoots" or scenes they were forcing "N" to do. She seemed a willing participant, but I knew they were attacking her spiritually until she would relent and let them in. They would abuse her even more during the shoots thus increasing their hold on her. What made her vulnerable to these attacks and why she gave in I don't understand, but due to my connection with her I knew what was happening to her and could get a feel for what she was feeling. It was like an anger or demonic force so intense that it was extremely painful to resist and for her it seemed the only way to get relief was to relent to the demands of the perpetrators.


Nancy also just didn’t want to admit it to herself. Like so many people who have suffered sexual abuse as a child (something else she had shared with me) she didn’t know how to say “no”, and somehow believed that there was no way she could resist.  For some people who have been sexually abused as a child even though common sense would say that they are now an adult and have the strength of an adult to resist, they may not feel that way. 

When they were abusing her, I felt the abuse as if it were happening to me. As unbelievable as it sounds and it was unbelievable to me as well, I was experiencing suffering every time they did this to her. Not only that but whatever means I employed to try to combat it seemed to make matters worse.  The intensity of the experience would sometimes become so excruciating and fearful I would wish for my own death. Sometimes I would become very concerned about the seeming reversed effect of my own efforts to defend myself, but I discovered it was best to remain in a state of equilibrium as much as possible and just to watch the experience.  Because it felt that the experience of being violated was inside of my own self, it was exceedingly difficult at times to remain detached.


Shortly thereafter the Resident manager came to me and said I was seen by a separate tenant “peering” in Nancy’s window and warned again by the Resident Manager that it was an invasion of privacy to Nancy. In truth she told me it made her feel better when she saw me outside her window that’s blinds were now sometimes half open. It was around this time that the resident manager got involved with the *********** also. She slapped the girl and hit her and told her to obey. The whole thing was set up to be like a reality **** story, but sadly it was really true. You can imagine my outrage. N also just didn’t want to admit it to herself. Like so many people who have suffered sexual abuse as a child she didn’t know how to say no, and somehow believed that she just had to accept the circumstance and besides had not the strength to stand up to it. I summarily confronted the apartment manager directly by whom I was told, “there’s nothing going on between those two, you should mind your own business I think you’d be better off just to leave, and accept that she’s not interested in you”.

Well by God I knew the truth.


Next thing I know I’m coming out of my apartment after a couple of days and she is there and she loudly says to me “I want you to leave me alone, don’t leave me any more gifts and stop trying to talk to me”. I was shocked because she would only profess her love to me when we were inside our apartments. Shortly thereafter I had a notice on my door to vacate within 30 days.


 When I recommended she go to the police she told me she didn’t feel strong enough to back it up if they were to come. I said why don’t you just let me take you away from here? She said she would try to leave sometimes but she felt like they had some kind of hold on her and she couldn’t leave, that they were watching her every move.


I moved out of the apartment. I was broken hearted. I made a report and gave it to the local police, and also to the owner of the apartment building. I hoped it would make a difference to her. I dreamed about climbing up to the roof of the carports and sneaking in through her window and pulling her out, but I was afraid I would be the one who ended up being arrested.


I contacted a couple of friends who I have to admit are a little shady. As a matter of fact they were part of the reason I had moved to this town; to have a chance to change my ways and start a new clean and sober life. Knowing the the law wasn’t going to help me if she wasn’t willing to talk to the police, I thought maybe my old home boys could get her out. I called them and asked for help. But as it often is with drug users, money talks louder and they were bribed by the Resident apartment manager, with the money they had made exploiting Nancy to help their cause and not mine.


They soon got her out of the building, but she was not being rescued as she might have thought, she was taken to another place where now instead of doing **** with one man she was being passed around among three. And before long it was all three at a time and every variation thereof. As you can imagine this further betrayal by my old friends made the situation much worse and I was miserable. They had called me once from my old "friend’s” house in Los Angeles and I distinctly heard her voice in the background. He acted as if he was going to find a way to get her to me, but said I had to wait.


I had since then gotten married to a woman in Los Angeles, half because she was someone I was comfortable with, and also hoping that the spiritual harassment would cease. That somehow the bonds that connected me to Nancy and that were the source of my constantly feeling like I was with her and being spiritually raped might be eased. Unfortunately it didn't change anything.

It became increasingly difficult for me to make a living. It seemed like any gains I made would dissipate and disappear. My positive energies, grace, and luck seemed to dissipate with the continuous drain that was happening. The total and utter disregard her captors had for her combined with their continual abuse truly was taking a toll on my life.


I convinced my wife to move with me to Florida so that I could be near my Spiritual teacher. I thought perhaps she could help me to end the suffering I was experiencing. Due to my spiritual connection or "marriage" that had occurred that day I mentioned previously, I felt my energies being drawn out and a lot of emotional and spiritual pain as if I was being molested along with her. I was able to hear her voice; in fact I was able to communicate telepathically with her even before the day of spiritual marriage.


My spiritual teacher sat vigil, protecting me for several years.  She was already in her late 60’s at the time I came to Florida and her body was weakened by years of giving everything to her chela’s (devotees).  She was someone who loved to care for those who other’s wouldn’t and she had a special place in her heart for her chela’s who had AIDS.  She labored for years doing prayer and ceremony’s to protect their health and advance all of her students spiritually and it took a toll on her own health.  My situation didn’t make it any easier and even after instructing me on certain techniques that would help me (which I still practice)  she still bore the brunt of the attacks that kept me from functioning normally and disctracted me from daily life.  I owe a huge debt of gratitude to her as she passed just this April.  She is sorely missed not only selfishly due to the protection she afforded me, but for the love that she taught and the example of unceasing self discipline and sacrifice she exhibited.  Never have I seen anyone do for even a day what she did for years. 


The first thing she wanted me to do was to give up cigarettes, that would strengthen my aura and give me more protection.  I struggled for 3 years and then finally after many, many attempts found a 12 step program called “Nicotine Anonymous”  that is the only way I was able to give up tobacco.  Next she showed me some yogic techniques involving breathing techniques or “pranayama” that could help.  As the Rakshasas  who are with Nancy draw out our collective essenses and use that to create bands of energy to ensnare she and I so they can block our energies and feed on our energies, the pranayamas my teacher taught me help to undo the bands.  The only one that really helps the most however happens to be exceedingly difficult.  It involves exhaling all air from the lungs and then holding the air out until the diaphragm begins to contract.  The breath is to be held out for 108 contractions or more. This has the effect of loosening the bands that are enwrapping us.  Unfortunately I resist doing this yoga almost as much as I resisted stopping smoking for the same reason that I like to breath.  However, the exercise is quite necessary and I find that I must do it or suffer terribly, it’s a feeling of being consumed.  Often I have had the impression of my soul feeling like prey that is captured by a predator.  I have thought of  movies I had seen that involved Voodoo where the victims became so afraid they ended up dying.  I never imagined anything like this could happen to me.  I also never imagined I would meet my twin heart soul in this life. 


I know also that I have done some really bad stuff  in previous lives myself.  In fact in some ways I don’t think I was much different from the beasts that are doing what they are doing to Nancy.  I know in one life I was a king of gypsies and I roamed the countyside raping, pillaging, burning homes and stealing livestock.  So when I start feeling like it’s all so unfair, I shouldn’t have to suffer this way etc.. I try to give thanks that I have this opportunity to clean up my karma.  Even if I don’t reach the ultimate state of enlightenment, perhaps at least due to what Nancy did for me in this lifetime so much karma has been lifted, much more than I could ever have accomplished otherwise.  I try to (many times unsuccessfully however) remember that.  I still hope and pray she and I will be able to enjoy each other alone as well as her having to have enjoyed us and my higher self having enjoyed us but while we have been apart. 


I received one call from Nancy after I had moved to Florida that was cut short. She said hello, told me she was in the state I had moved to, told me that the people she was with wanted me to do a "shoot" with her and then the line went dead. I made a report to the Sherriff’s department at that time.


I know also that I have done some really bad stuff in previous lives myself.  In fact in some ways I don’t think I was much different from the beasts that are doing what they are doing to Nancy.  I know in one life I was a king of gypsies and I roamed the countryside raping, pillaging, burning homes and stealing livestock.  So when I start feeling like it’s all so unfair, I shouldn’t have to suffer this way etc... I try to give thanks that I have this opportunity to clean up my karma.  Even if I don’t reach the ultimate state of enlightenment, perhaps at least due to what Nancy did for me in this lifetime so much karma has been lifted, much more than I could ever have accomplished otherwise.  I try to (many times unsuccessfully however) remember that.  I still hope and pray she and I will be able to enjoy each other alone as well as her having to have enjoyed us and my higher self having enjoyed us but while we have been apart. 


That was the last time I heard from her. I only know where she last lived, or at least where she lived when I was her neighbor. Due to my deep spiritual connection with her I know that she is still being held and is not entirely safe. I don't believe she gets enough food to eat. They know that I know what has happened (due to me filing the lawsuit) and I believe they are waiting for me to forget about it or for her to agree to stay with them before they will let her go.

I had filed a civil action against the property owner, the Resident apartment manager and the young man for what I could, the unfair termination of my tenancy.


 I know that there is a website however I do not know the web address. It seems to me the only way I’m going to be able to bring the truth to light and give her a chance to get free is to prove in a court of law what has transpired. I fought with the limited resources I had, filing the case in a San Diego court and representing myself all the way from Florida. The defense hired a powerful law firm and had the case dismissed due to the statute of limitations having run out after 2 years. I didn't expect the problem to continue for so long and when she called me in Florida and then never contacted me again, I thought I had better try to do something about it. That’s why I waited so long to file the case. They have now perjured themselves in court and I know now if I can find the website I will have proof. They signed documents saying they are not at all involved in *********** and additionally either forged a document signed by Nancy or forced her to sign one.


One would of course wonder, “Why is something like this happening to me?”.  The conclusion I arrived at has a few reasons.  For one, once having embarked on a spiritual path we have to be very careful of several things.  I often would pray that my life would be of service only to the most high God or Goddess Kali Ma that I also worship that I see as one and the same.  Several years before I began to stray from my path and kept bad company.  That association after having a momentum going in a positive direction, amounted to a transgression (not to mention some of the things I did while associating with bad company)  and that helped to set into motion the events that later came to pass when I did run into my Twin Heart soul.  Coincidence or not, she was also keeping bad company at the time I met her and so our situations combined to create the current circumstance.   I also rather accept it as a sign of the times we are living in and believe that in our own way we are contributing to ultimately raising the level of the greater collective consciousness.


I had tried to find the website and also tried to contact the girl’s parents both to no avail.

The captors are so crafty I wouldn't be surprised if they were having her keep in contact via telephone with her family so that they would not worry about her. Either that or she is no longer close with her family. I know there is no way they have actually seen her during the 4 years she has been with her captors.


I don't know how many times I thought if I could just find her family and let them know what has happened to her so that they could file a missing persons report, that finally she would be set free. At least then I could tell the police about who is involved and what they have done to her. I know if the police got involved they would let her go.


I tried to find the website because I thought if I had proof it would help my case, I gave up because there is so much *********** on the internet it seemed impossible.

Nancy is a very sweet introverted girl who has fallen into a situation that is very bad. She graduated from college in the top of her class; she is very creative with writing and is a talented artist and musician. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more compassionate, trusting, sweet and loving person and to see her having become stuck in this terrible situation is very tragic and sad.


Now that I understand how many of the women have suffered as a result of the industry I personally don’t want to contribute. I also know that some woman do it willingly and gladly and make themselves a nice living, but this is definitely not always the case. I thought I’d try to strike a blow for N, myself and for others out there who might be in a similar situation. There is so much *********** out there that I don’t know where to begin.


I have received threats on the phone from an unknown number telling me to forget about it. I can't forget about it because I am being vampirized by what these people are doing. If they stop doing this to her for any length of time, they begin to suffer as my soul and spirit begin to breath again. That's when the anger and viciousness they are visiting upon us starts coming back to them. They experience it as intense pain either like an electric shock (if you have ever gotten too close to an electrical socket you know what I mean), a feeling of bee stings all over, or an intense dull ache within their bodies. That is the reason they don't want to stop what they are doing. They are afraid if they do stop they will be immobilized. Their solution is to threaten her and me and just keep getting high and continuing (their hope is to exhaust us completely).


The internet has opened up such a huge avenue for people to make money at many things and one of the top ones (if not the top one) is ***********. It is so rampant and so prevalent it is impossible to stop. People can become addicted to it just like they can become addicted to a drug. Some people might even think it is an acceptable type of habit and not a negative addiction. I have to disagree; I think it sets a lot of negative patterns in motion for society that are not positive.


First, we can acknowledge that prostitution is the oldest profession and perhaps that truth nobody can deny, but let’s take a look at our collective character as a country. Do we want to be a culture of derelict perverts? I believe *********** affects the way that people see each other. With people spending more and more time on their computers and mobile devices that is already creating a distance from true face to face social interaction. With the prevalence of so much *********** this problem is compounded. People start to see each other as sexual objects.


Now I enjoy flirting as much as the next person. Similarly I would never ever want to cheat a young person out of the sweet memories of first love and sexual exploration and experimentation. Indulging in *********** to the extent that it is an addiction affects the way that people see each other. People start to see each other as sexual objects rather than being able to relate to the other person as a fellow human being with love and respect or even just a genuine interest in getting to know them.


Another one that is fairly obvious is that it opens up many, many more avenues of abuse that may be played upon women. Abusive pimping, sexual abuse and assault, rape, and human trafficking are all increased via ***********. In fact all of these illicit activities are made safer due to fact that all that is required to take advantage and make money through the exploitation of the women (children and men not exempt) is a camera which can be turned on and off to selectively show only that which the person in control wants to be seen. It all takes place behind closed doors.


I am no bible thumper and I don’t subscribe to the belief all truth belongs to just one religion, but one thing I have noticed that all the religions have in common is recommending practicing some restraint with regard to sex, and it is recommended only between husband and wife. Sex practices that focus solely on generating excitement and dissipating sexual energy are not recommended. I offer this as an observation of what most would agree is the higher nature within us, offers us as a guideline. Again I would like to reiterate that this is not mentioned in just one holy book of just one religion but all of the major religions make similar reference to the subject.


As a side note it is also fairly amazing to note how there are many resources for child victims of sexual exploitation but almost none for women over 18 years of age.


It’s my belief it would be good to help to raise people’s awareness that these things don’t happen just to “bad girls” or girls that no one cares about, or girls that come from poor families or grew up in a bad neighborhood. This can happen to anyone, your sister or even brother for that matter, your relative or your best friend (even yourself!). It reminds me of the story about people hearing gun shots close by and not calling the police or hearing someone crying for help and just wrapping the pillow around their head.


If the scenario described in this story sounds familiar to you or you are interested in more information you can check out my blog at   or quicklink:

Hanuman1 Hanuman1
May 10, 2012