Find Me.

 Every day when I'm walking around, everywhere I go, I look in the face of every stranger I see. I will recognize him by his eyes; I'm completely convinced of it. We will come home to each other, in each other’s eyes.  I have only made dream-eye contact with him a few times, and I have seen that his are brown and very piercing. In the dreams he has a different face every time, since my mind refuses to become set on an image.  But also, I don't want to rely on the idea he even has brown eyes since I don't want to... 'imagine' anything about him. I mean, I tend to be attracted to guys with brown eyes anyways, and I don't want to impose any wishes on the way he is. I'll accept him any way he is, any way he looks like, and love him for it in every way.

 

It was December 23, 2009.  The past few months had been… quite… dark for me.  I do not wish to elaborate on the subject.  We were in a dimly-lit cafe.  Places we have met before have usually included bodies of water (probably since I’m a Pisces… I bet he’s either a Pisces or an Aquarius), like lakes, ponds, beaches... except obviously the small, dimly-lit coffee house. I'm a coffee-house dork in 'real life' so maybe that means he is too, haha. Or maybe it was just a convenient place for a manifestation to occur.

My twin flame was very sad, and so was I.

You can call me crazy for believing this, but I believe that during that conversation in the cafe, we actually contacted each other. I believe it was real. It was so vivid. I wasn't sleeping either; it was that state of semi-consciousness BEFORE sleep. I opened my eyes several times during it, and closed them again. I mean, I almost feel crazy listening to myself type, except for the great extent that I do believe in dream contact. He had long dark hair that fell in his eyes. Like I said, I couldn't see his face, and he couldn't see mine.

Because of his depression, he was not very talkative at first. He was sitting at a table by himself with his head buried in his folded arms. I was with a group of maybe 2-3 of my girlfriends, and I told them I had to go talk to him, and they let me go and sort of disappeared. I sat down at his little table, a 2-seater against the wall, and touched his arm and said, 'Hey.' He knew I was there and that I was friendly but he just had zero energy. I had total conscious control over what I said to him- I don't remember exactly, since I didn't realize it was important to remember, but I sort of just gently chit-chatted with him, like I would do to any of my friends that were in such a mindset. I have been like that before- completely shut down- and the most effective thing my friends can do for me when I’m like that is talk to me and not expect a response.  I don't remember what I said, but after a few minutes I got him to start talking a little more. 

At one point, I asked him if he writes poetry. I've done a lot of analysis of his response. He hesitated, looked elsewhere, and repeated the word, "Poetry." That's all. What he meant was something that happened to me at the lowest point in my life. I stopped writing for a period of time because there were no words that could match my mindstate; everything I could say was cliché and not beautiful, and I gave up for a while. He meant that he writes, but hasn't recently.

This next part of the dream was the only, ONLY few seconds I did not have conscious control over my response. What I said was, "You have seeds in your mouth." I then picked up his hand and drew a spiral on his palm. Then I regained control and opened my eyes for a second and was like, WHAAAT, before promptly ‘returning to the cafe,’ lol.

You should know that the spiral symbol has a particular ...special significance to me. It is a symbol of infinity, for the infinite degrees of interconnectedness. For me it is a symbol of love and enlightenment. I draw it many places, I like jewelry that incorporates spirals, and I ...am quite inspired by it in general. I suppose drawing a spiral on his palm is a sort of blessing from my core being to his, since my conscious self did not control that action.

You, reader, may be wondering about the significance of "you have seeds in your mouth." I did too for a while, but since this is totally like something I would write in a poem- exactly the abstraction I value, style, everything- it didn’t take that long to figure out. Seeds are unborn plants; unborn poems are word-ideas that have yet to grow.  I pretty much told him that his potential to write was still there, and not to give up on writing.

We had a conversation and spoke of many things. Somewhere in the conversation I mentioned to him I couldn't see his face, and he said he couldn't see mine either. I asked him his name, and he gently explained to me that that's not how this form of communication works. We talked about a lot of other things, not so much about our lives but about our 'selves' if you will. See, the conversation was so... NATURAL, so normal, that I don't even remember what exactly we talked about. It certainly wasn't anything like "What's your favorite color?" etc.

I've met him a few times since, but never seen him or spoken to him like that time. 

Since that experience- that is, for the last 2 months- I've been ‘sensing’ him more and more frequently, and it's no longer always while sleeping. I don't actually talk to him though. For example, one time I was in the middle of a class and I 'felt' him calling out to me. I closed my eyes and told him over and over that I was there, that we would find each other. I told him I miss him so much, and almost started crying in the middle of class over the intensity of how sad he felt. Later that day, my best friend (currently living in a different state) called me and asked if everything was okay, since she had this strange feeling that I wasn't. She is also an Indigo poet/artist, and we are very, very close because of that connection.  I said I was fine, but my twin flame is not. I told her I was worried about him, worried that he couldn’t sense my responses.  I’ve always been skeptical (but not entirely disbelieving…) about telepathy, but I guess that was what I was trying to do, and I don’t know how to do it while not in a dreamstate.

One night I dreamed I was walking along a beach and I found a carved stone.  It was a perfect oval with the back slightly flattened.  It was (distinctly, hah-) the color of red jeans that have a black undertone. Not like jasper. It had a !SPIRAL! rose on one side, and on the other, his signature.  A dragonfly on the top half, and a flying seagull on the bottom.  For purposes of reference, my totem is a butterfly.  He made it for me.  He gave it to me.  He sent it to me, where he knew I would find it.  My house is 20 minutes from the beach, and I drive there as often as possible to watch the sunset; again, my dreams almost always include bodies of water.

I have met many wonderful, spiritual, like-minded people on here.  It’s why I joined experienceproject- I mean, for the lack of artists and enlightenment-searchers in my physical ‘real life,’ this seem to be a sort of community that I feel ‘found.’ Honestly, though, looking for him is also a part of the reason I joined EP, in case he'll find this place too.  A friend on here suggested that I post this story, in case he reads this and recognizes me.

I am waiting for him to find me, in a burning and almost desperate way. I want to tell him that he is beautiful, and come home in his eyes.

softandonly softandonly
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 17, 2010

I've had similar dreams...I look for green eyes everywhere I go...I have the same telepathy as you too

He will find you the moment you find yourself.

wow i loved this story. i have been talking to people a lot lately. more specifically people with "powers". i random-ed your profile. I don't have particularly powerful psychic abilities. usually its in a dream. I know what you meant about dreaming of an unknown love. the first dream was many years ago, a particularly dark period.. I had the impression she was a blonde, but it was more the person, i remember. she was very tall for a girl. most girls seem short next to me, i am 6' 0. her face was gone as fast as it appeared. some mornings i will wake up with a distinct recent memory of a kiss. so real and distinct i have to adjust to it not being real. eyes are the window to the soul. reveal all sorrow and truths. i used to write poetry, got hooked on the idea of being a musician and quit so to speak. recently i spoke to a psychic that told me my soul-mate was searching for me. i know how you feel in a manner of speaking. don't like that my destiny is not controlled by me. pulled by waves. being a pisces is indescribable. at times the spirit is calm as glass. at other times a raging rapid. constantly looking for answers, but also trying to keep a core of being to yourself. i don't know. in the dream i was already with her "together". we were at a bar i like to play pool at. there were friends there, but don't know whom, they were background. it is funny i thought she was blonde. had a bad encounter with an ex, and have been turned off of blondes so to speak. I have had other dreams of the type, they always foreshadowed something bad that was to come. that is why these dreams stand out particularly. i don't know, just thought you might like that you are not the only one to have dreams like that. p.s. don't worry, my eyes are green..

I am so full of sh!t. I just read this all the way through. I can't believe I wrote this.

Your not full of ****, ive been writing again and ive almost tapped out every piece of energy i have to find you but i will one day. For now i meditate and hope to find you in mu dreams i still feel the longing. I am content with myself and will wait for all eternity if i have to to reconnect to be home.
Love

Infinite interconnectedness... my bad. =)<br />
And I know I'll know him by his energy. I'm not looking for any specific physical characteristics.