It Took A While, But I Got There In The End.

After a long time searching, I believe I have finally found what it was I had been looking for.  I spent many days, months and years looking for something and never knowing quite what it was.  Always wondering, feeling a pull towards something and looking for answers to questions I had not even asked.

Not quite like an epiphany, it hit me. It was not wrapped up in the packaging I expected, and it did not look quite how I had thought, but none the less it was there.  And it had always been there, I just needed to change some things, move them around and allow for it to be seen.

I know it will seem like a worn out cliché but the answer was always, me. It was never anyone else, and I have finally worked this out. Now that I am on my own doing what I want, and back in control of my own destiny, I have lost the sense of reaching out for something that was never quite there.  And instead, I embrace the moments that are given to me so freely, I enjoy them, I love them and I believe in them.

My mind is not crowded with so many thoughts, crashing into each other and going around in circles. It is actually quite hard to explain this feeling of completeness and contentedness that has finally settled around me. My life basically has not changed, it is still chaotic, crammed with the stresses of children, working, getting assignments in on time and everything else squashed somewhere in there too.

But what came to me just recently was that I needed to really live my life. Not just stand by and watch it, sometimes being a part of it, sometimes wishing it away, and so many other times blankly wondering.

Seems so simple really, but yet it was so hard to get to.

I do have someone to thank for it all however, and that is.....me!

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26-30
15 Responses Mar 1, 2010

Thanks RedLily for this sharing.I am awakened. i am a free person the last 10 yrs.No more torture and also bless with a soulmate but i haven't really live my life.Hope its not too late at 62 soon and a host of health challenges.Hugs Unshakable

I love it Lilly, so happy for you!!:))<br />
Yes this too is my dream,wish and goal,and journey.

Yes Lilly - I lose sight of those important truths sometimes and get very wobbly and vulnerable. But I am learning to accept that as part of being human ... I am not able to keep the strength up all the time ... it's a work in progress.

Lovely story Lilly. Yes, I do also believe that we are our own best friend and soul mate. You are the one you've been looking for all your life. When you find you it is a revelation and when you realisie that you can rely on you to give yourself the best advice it's a wonderful moment!

What on earth does you for you Lilly mean?......*shakes head* .... I meant to write good for you! lol

I love this story Lilly. The happiniess you have found HAS been made my you and it hasn't been easy has it. It's been a lot of hard work. I can feel your happiness oozing out of the computer! You for you Lilly!

For me this story is insightful and profound...at times in my life I've also felt that pull...that longing for something unnamed...congrats on finding it within yourself where it was always waiting! :)

lol so you're not giving the furniture full credit for your change in out look then...

Not to mention what's IN the sofa - have you lifted the cushions yet?<br />
<br />
Seriously this reads like quite a landmark story for you - I like the thought that you're able to stop searching and have an appreciation for what you already have. Completeness!

See this is what happens when you go rearranging the furniture. It really is a metaphor for life! Powerful Feng Shui you've got there, Sister...

Thank you for your post, I enjoyed reading it, and it sounds as if you have found the peace that most of us still struggle to find. I felt inspired after reading your post although I think it may take some work for me to reach the same place. It seems so simple and I know that like many people I make it harder then it schould be, you reminded me that it is truly possible if only we can learn to let go. I saved your story to remind my self to keep it simple.<br />
Thank you, and I wish you all the best.

Hmmm...food for thought again. there is truth in what you said. Those different directions are the different paths you had to take or try, to know whether this is the one you need or not. Such is life...without these different roads, life won't be as fruitful...Lilly won't be as accomplished. Hitting rock bottom just made it sweeter to be at the top again. *hugs back*

I'm so happy for you, Lills. :) The wait is worth it; though challenging, but I'm certain you are a better person today than yesterday. *hugs* dear Lilly........now if you could just show us the way how you found it..... ;)

A wonderful and inspiring story... I'm on the path to that again myself... I used to know this too, and then foolishly I lost track of it.<br />
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Thank you for putting it in words so perfectly.

You've inspired me too.