Did The Pig Touch That Tomato?

My friend, Charitie, is a vegetarian. She’s the kind that will eat eggs and cheese, but no meat… or chicken. Wait! Isn’t chicken a meat? Oh well, whatever… let’s stay safe here and just say she’s ‘careful’ with her diet and what she digests! NOTHING that has been living!... ah, except for living plants…that’s okay.
So, Charitie and I were out for lunch together last week. We usually eat at a restaurant that has a fair number of Vegan type dishes. I can go either way. Meat or Veggies…either/ or. I’m happy as a clam just to have Food!
We both order the breakfast special. It’s an all day kind of thing… from 7:00 a.m. to closing…ANY time! It includes: Bacon; toast; two eggs; and home made hashbrowns! YUM! Well, it struck Charitie as being a a good menu pick too, with the exception of the bacon, of course! “Could I get that breakfast special?", she asked, "But without…and I mean, WITHOUT the bacon?” ,She stresses. The waitress said sure, no problem, I will just double up your tomatoes on the side. Sound good? Yah… that would be good, replied my friend and at this point, she looks over at me with a smug look that says, "how about that???? I get a whole wack of tomatoes on the side!" She should have been satisfied, right?...but oh no... at this point, she starts to carry on about how she just couldn’t possibly eat pork at all. She is a vegetarian, blah,blah, blah on and on she went about how she just couldn’t bear to eat something that has been living. …now we all have seen this drill before, the Vegetarian that feels compelled to OVER explain why they are not wanting to eat the dang pork on the menu!!!!!
Fast forward to us sitting in our seats at the table waiting for our meal. We are having a grand old time, laughing, talking, catching up. The waitress appears with our tray of food and…You guessed it!.... Charitie’s has a pile that seems like it is sky scrapper high of BACON!!! She immediately lunges towards the waitress and hisses…”I SAID no bacon!!!!” Now immediately, the waitress retracts with the tray…which also includes MY order and gasps in horror and apologizes profusely! She says she will be right back with the order minus the bacon!... ah… could you leave mine?, I ask meekly. Oh yes…YOURS…they both look at me like I am being completely insensitive to this grave, grave situation that is presently at hand re the Pork and Veggie mix up.
Minutes later…probably even seconds, the waitress has returned with Charitie’s order. Charitie immediately demands to be reassured that the Bacon..did NOT touch her tomatoes that are on the plate now. And she shrieks “ the PORK…(and she says pork like she is saying the word pooh)…didn’t touch those tomatoes, did they? And then…”IS that the Same PLATE?”
Ye Gawds! That’s right. Another error. Off the waitress dashes quickly with the second murderous menu mishap!...
Charitie leans in and whispers to me, “I just can’t believe they let that Pork touch my tomatoes! Can You?” … and all I can wonder is why she is suddenly being so quiet about it. Really? I have no flippin clue if it’s that shocking or not re the tomato and the Pork union. Stuff happens.
When her now purified plate arrives, she says to me, “Now where were we? What was it we were talking about?”
Frankly, I don’t know or care. That whole excursion was both draining and abrasive. My lunch is cold from waiting…and I now feel my bacon is looking pretty offensive sitting with us at the table. It’s made me think maybe there should be sections like the old smoking and non-smoking areas. I really feel offensive with this pork… or do I feel more embarrassed sitting with this tomato quack?
naomimantra naomimantra
46-50, F
Jul 22, 2010