Endless BattlesBefore I forced myself to not eat, and throw up whenever I did. Now its a struggle to eat at all. Recovering from an eating disorder, its been over a year since my last r relapse. After eating I noticed right away the sharp pains were back. I've had these before, and they went away, so I didn't think much of it. They were so bad that I couldn't stand up straight. Noticing that greasey foods mostly trigger these pains, I've de ided to cut those out of my diet. That seemed to help for a bit, but then nafter eating anythhing I would haave extreme discomfort. Weight has been falling off me so quickly, I blamed it on working too much, no time to eat, but I knew I was hungry all the time and I could only eat small bits very slowly to avoid pain and discomfort. I love food, but my appetite hasn't existed for the past few months. Even after a small meal, my stomach would expand stick out, looking like my upper stomach was fat and mylower stomach was thin. Completely kind of opposite. There's been times where the pain was so unbareable, and I had to be at work on my feet, so I made myself throw up my lunch because it hurt too much to deal with. Every day is a struggle, because I have a hard time feeding myself well to get the nutrients I need to be healthy, its no longer satisfying to be full, iwhen I go out with friends I'm always thinking about what I can or can't have, I have to plan my meals out and snack lall day which can be hard on my teenage wallet, but since there's no cure I have to accept and adjust. Its hard. The only thing I've really ever wanted was to eat normally. Like every other person. To eat without thinking. To eat for tasteand appreciation, food is apart of everyone culture, and I feel like I can't have a part of it.
machotaco 18-21, F 35 Responses 3 Aug 17, 2012