Love Is Hate

I was raised by gay parents who always told me love makes a family and love is all there is and the only thing that makes them gay is love. Well that was a lie cuz I learnt that gay is a sex orientation. They might love each other they might not but the one thing that gays do is they have gay sex. I came home early and saw them and I ran away and got sick in the yard behind the bushes.

My Moms always made a big deal about the kind of people who are bigits who dont accept them. Those people are against love so I knew all about that. They always said that part of the family we never see is because they are haters who hate us because they hate love. This was always so hard for me. No cousins or Granparents when everyone else had them except me. I fantisized of meeting them but my Moms said contact was impossible. I knew the kind of things that happend in the world. I was glad they protected me. Little did I know it was all a lie.

My Moms always made a good image. Smile everybody and pertend to be happy that was our family motto. But I didnt feel happy every time I came home from a friends house and saw how diffrent it was in their homes. My best friends dad was the greatest guy he was funny and nice and always taking us places. He listened to us. I was jealous of my friend and wrote the word Daddy on a peice of paper and put it under my pillow. I wanted a Daddy like my friend had. My friends family all knew how much I liked their Dad cuz I was always asking if I could help him. One day my friends mom asks me are you a Daddys Girl? It means you are the kind of girl who realy loves her Daddy and is real close to him. Well I went home and cried becuz I dont have that and never will know what thats like.

Now here is the biggest point of my whole life and I still cant believe it happend. Best random ever. I met my own cousin. Its a long story how that happened but we were both in the same camp. I was so freak out cuz I thought his family hated me. Well my eyes were open up and I knew. I was lied to. My cousin was the best. I met my Aunt my Uncle my other cousins too. My Moms but they were away on their trip so they never saw them. After they knew about me they drove there every single night. Family can come after dinner for camp fire and every night we spend time together.Then came the epic moment I met my very own Granparents. Wow I just cried and hugged them and they cried and hugged me and guess what they were not haters. They were so awesome I felt something I never felt before Just the kind of family I always dreamd of. They wanted to know me all these years just like I wanted to know them. The last day of camp was the last time I saw them and I never wanted to let them go. After I got home I dream they would come for me but they never did. Never call me or write me.

I am so frikkin mad at my Moms for lying. I hate them for what they did. I hate my secret family for abandon me. But I love them too cuz they are the only Moms I have the only family I known. Now I dont know what to believe and I think contantly about my secret family why they dont write or call? I think what my Moms said about them but I remember how much I loved being with them and one thing I know is I know they are not haters. But they should not of just let me go like that. So now I am the hater who hates everyone.
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3 Responses Sep 14, 2012

Hey nankitty,
I don't have gay parents or know anyone who does, but there have been separations in my family too. My dad had two daughters (my stepsisters) from his first marriage. After the divorce, every time my dad called his ex-wife's house (she lived with her parents - the grandparents of my stepsisters), her parents would always look for an excuse so that my dad couldn't speak to my stepsisters. Eventually he stopped calling until 13 years later my aunt met my stepsister by chance. She cried because she thought my dad never looked for her. Now my stepsisters know what had happened and they don't hate my dad. We became close with each other and they always come to family events.
My cousin, who is turning 11 this year, also has divorced parents. She lives with my aunt now. At first, her father's parents pampered her very much (she got a blackberry when she was 7 and other luxuries too), but after she moves with my aunt they never contacted her again, and her dad doesn't want to have anything to do with her. My aunt never banned him from seeing her, she even asked him to take her in vacations but he wouldn't.
I guess you won't know what had happened for now. Both parties certainly tell stories from their own points of view that incriminate the other. Anything could happen here, and it's very unfortunate that you have to become a victim. However, I wouldn't suggest you to make an opinion on either party - your relatives or your moms - before you get a clear picture of what had happened. For now, I think the best for you is just to trust your moms since they are in charge of you. Maybe you can try to find your cousin through Facebook?

Your "parents" probably told your other relatives they could not visit or talk to you, so that is likely why they didn't do so. As you were a minor your gay parents having parental rights over you, the relatives probably had to obey. Your parents probably didn't want you talking with them, fearing they would turn you against them, want to leave & live with relatives, etc.

Being gay or lesbian seems more a matter of sexual addiction and rebellion, fear of an inability to change oneself, etc. Other people have addictions and seek to change, but some also fear they can't & withdraw. Some also are afraid of the condemnation & feelings of guilt, so they cannot bear to be around others. Still, sometimes people FEEL as if people think about them in ways they really don't. I have see this with kids. Sometimes a child will think other kids are talking & gossiping about them when they aren't -- they simply looked over that way while talking about something else or maybe another matter, sometimes in a good way about the person rather than a gossiping way; however, a person seeing that can easily let their minds go wild & imagine it is mean or gossiping talk.

If you are a minor yet, maybe you can discreetly tell you parents you'd really like to return to that summer camp. Maybe you would see your relatives again. It was likely not their fault the were not allowed to visit or talk with you, and they probably care about you very much.

Not a problem, and what you experienced also happens in many families, when people have disagreements with relatives. Fortunately for me, when my parents split, they did not forbid us kids to have contact with other relatives -- all that love from the various relatives sort of helped us make it through, as my parents were really in bad dispositions toward each other, though they tried to stay together. They kept separating & getting together again, would have bad fights, etc., so it seemed like a war-zone at times, to us. During that time, a couple of friends I had were so kind and their dad was like a second father to me, which was really nice. I will always appreciate that and their mom, too, for all her kindnesses!

As for the gay thing. Being gay is not really as normal as some try to make it seem. Religious people are hated by gays because they don't believe it is okay, but that doesn't mean they hate all gay people themselves, just disagree about their lifestyle. Also, if someone believes in evolution, even that shows being gay is not really normal I think. Consider how if evolution is true, that for millions of years creatures evolved in a way that became sexual reproduction with males & females, all the way up to humans, and that never changed or evolved differently. Men or women didn't evolve so either one could have babies all by themselves, and our human anatomy & hormones, etc. are unique from each other, special just for two genders not one, like husband & wife.

Of course, if evolution were true, how did it happen to make it into a two gender species? For example, if a unisex, asexually-reproducing creature evolved into a male, where would the female be, and vice-versa? They would both have to evolve at the same time & same place on earth, then find each other and have offspring. Wow, that takes more faith than believing in a God! How large is the earth? It was have to be in their same lifetime, on that same location!
Then, what about the offspring? What if they got separated or went in different directions, got lost, & never found each other again, being the only ones of their kind? What if they only had one offspring? Then they might have died out, too.

I have learned how a lot of things affecting the mind, health, etc. happen by what nutrients we have & don't have, the biochemicals made from then and other things in our foods, and also sometimes toxins or pollutants in our food & environment. Boys using too much lotions their moms have that contain lavender can cause them to have swelled breasts, as the lavender is estrogenic. Years ago, men in France were getting swelled breasts. The problem turned out to be that soaps, detergents, etc. with etsrogen-like chemicals had gotten into the drinking water supply (river). Also, boron, a mineral only needed in very tiny amounts, can help keep calcium in bones in miniscule amounts and can also cause men to have more testosterone. Lots of things affect hormones like that. Humans also have pheromones, which cause attraction to male or female, depending on what it is. There is perfume & cologne now with those chemicals that normally are made inside people. What if something in diet or how the body is making chemicals inside is messed up that is causing a difference in sexual attraction. People need to stop being afraid, and start looking for honest answers. We don't get scared of trying to find real answers when it comes to cancer, leukemia, alcoholism, drug-addiction, and so forth, do we? No. There were afflictions that in times past the people having them were treated badly, due to ignorance, but since then modern science has helped, and people are no longer afraid of such problems because there is help. However, if we refuse to admit any problem exists, out of fear, then how will a remedy be found? Homosexuality is not normal, as humans have biology & physiology that shows that. Problem is, people are too scared to take the next step and ask, "IF it is not normal, then what is truly the problem?" and to seek real answers. We don't hate kids for being ADD/ADHD, do we? Nor do we hate them for being autistic, having hemophilia or a simple chemical imbalance that leads to depression.

Yes, there is, and glad it helps. Remember, if you take a look around at nature, wildlife, humanity, how our bodies work, etc., you can see what is clearly normal. On the opposite side of things, consider what is abnormal when you look around: smoking, alcoholism, drug-addiction, cancer, the idea of men getting pregnant & having babies, etc. You are smart enough to figure it out. People also don't eat vomit or feces -- another thing that would be abnormal. When people do very abnormal things, something is very wrong. This can also be a matter of hurt & trauma from the past that leads to rebellion or refusal to admit what's right or wrong. While there can be a need for healing, we should not lie and say that what is wrong is right or that what is abnormal is somehow normal, as that would hinder us from heading in the right direction or knowing which way to try to go in life.

Wow, you really want someone to answer this. This is curious.
I read your post titled "Its Not That Great" and it was written four months ago!!! And you are still looking for an answer.
Nice to meet you, I want to help you. You are not alone