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Realized It Will Never Happen

I officially have given up on ever finding someone. Quit my internet dating subscription that I have had on and off for the past three years. All it has garnered me is being stood up six times in a row and not one real date, I only garner interest from men who are way too old for me (my fathers age..../shudder) or have nothing in common with, total silence from men I contact, and an internet stalker (wonderful /rolls eyes). I have no intention of staying where I live now and will not be able to move for another year and half at the earliest. Which will make me going on 38 and I don't see any man wanting to have a whole lot in interest in staring a family with someone that old. I will never be happy with just being the stepmother of someone elses kids. It's not the same. No matter how much you may grow to love them, they are not your kids in the end and you have zero say.

My grandmother liked to say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that is not true at all. I figure the sooner I accept I will never have a family the better.

Bloomen Bloomen 31-35, F 5 Responses Jan 15, 2010

Your Response


Its not true. There is not someone for everyone. There are some moments for everyone but not a lifetime of love -the love, adoration, security that most of us long for. Its terribly sad and upsetting. Settling is not the answer-ever. Being with someone who you cannot feel close to -is awful. Playing mom to anothers children is not a worthy goal. It will always be you versus them. Always. Grab a hold to any moments you can have with someone you are mutually attracted to - regardless of the status. You deserve love.

You're only 38 Sweetheart. You've still got time. The whole being married and having kids thing can be seriously over-rated too. I've spent 17 years (essentially my entire youth) with the same man, who I realized I never truly loved deeply, despite always wanting that passionate true love. I kept waiting for it to happen and, when it didn't, I settled so I could have children, though I don't think I realized I was doing that at the time. I do have two lovely kids, so it's not something I can say I regret without feeling guilt towards them, but for myself, I still yearn for that passionate romance which will never come at my age. As women, we're fed a lie from an early age. All the stories aimed at us promote the idea of a prince charming or soul mate, but that isn't reality. I'm sure that true love does exist for maybe .00001% of the population. It's probably just like the lottery, extremely rare. Sure, some people hit the jackpot, but the odds are greater that you'll get hit by lightening a few times and then look back on a wasted lifetime of waiting. I think certain people are better wired for love than others. It's about optimism and accepting people for who they are rather than some artificial expectation of the perfect lover. You have time to re-wire yourself and fix how you look at people. Maybe you'll have better luck than I did. I wish you all the luck in the world. Become that .00001% and give us a reason to cheer.

A friend of mine says I have too high of standards and if I want a family I need to settle for less than I want or for someone who really does not make me happy! I have been through a nasty divorce from a man who was abusive and guess that makes me less willing to put up with a lot of things I might have when I was younger. I guess she took less than she wanted and she is not very happy so I guess misery loves company. I have too much respect for myself to just throw my happiness away on someone who can't respect or treat me right. I have realized that there are a large percentage of men out there who think of women as accessories. That they will just move into the mans life and conform to what he wants or expects, his future and goals. Unless someone can treat me as a true equal and respect my goals and life, it may never happen.

hi is it due to your high standards or cant find someone to who you feel whole with im always single but mines due to my art life and high standards plus im not like most males i live with honor so i will be forever alone yes and it bothers me to where i have dreams about being happy but dont give up loves just around the corner

but i bet you want more the a fish for the rest of your life